Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39) Read online

  “And where can I find them?”

  “Each stone has its own guardian who knows the stone’s location.”

  “Okay, so I’ll need to speak to all four guardians.”

  “Correct, but you’ll need to find them first.”

  “Are you telling me you don’t even know where I can find the guardians?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m telling you. You’re going to have to track down each one of them in turn, and get them to tell you where the individual stones are.”

  “That could take ages. How long do I have before Braxmore comes after us?”

  “Long enough, hopefully.”

  “You aren’t filling me with confidence here, Martin.”

  “Sorry, I’m just trying to be honest with you.”

  “Okay. Where do I start?”

  “With the North Stone. Its guardian is a woman who goes by the name of Madam Rodenia.”

  “And you have no idea where she might be?”

  “The only thing I know is that she’ll be somewhere in the northern quadrant of Candlefield. Each of the guardians has to remain in their own quadrant.”

  “How come I’ve never heard about these stones before?”

  “The compass stones are older than time. The only people who know of their existence are the guardians themselves, Braxmore, me and now you.” He checked his watch. “I’m sorry, Jill, but I have to get back.”

  “Okay. I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

  “I’m just sorry I can’t do more. You’ll keep me posted on how you get on, won’t you?”

  “Of course.”

  We hugged and then he disappeared out of the door. A few minutes later, Pearl came over.

  “Do you know what I don’t understand?” she said.

  There were so many things to choose from.

  “What’s that?”

  “How does someone like you have a brother who’s so good looking?”

  “Cheek.”

  ***

  That evening, after Florence had gone to bed, I told Jack about the four compass stones.

  “And you have to collect all four of these stones in order to get to Braxmore?”

  “That’s right.”

  “And you have no idea where they are?”

  “Correct.”

  “But there are people who can direct you to them?”

  “Yes. The guardians.”

  “But you don’t know where they are either.”

  “Also correct.”

  “So, essentially, you have absolutely nothing to go on.”

  “That’s not quite right. I do at least know the name of the first guardian. Now all I have to do is find her.”

  “What do we tell Florence? Anything?”

  “No. Definitely not.”

  Chapter 26

  The next morning when I walked into the office, Mrs V was sharpening a pencil with an electric sharpener. She had a pile of pencils, at least twenty of them.

  “Is that new, Mrs V?”

  “Yes, isn’t it amazing? It used to take me ages to sharpen my pencils, but with this little beauty, I can do them in seconds. Look.” She picked up another pencil and stuck it in the sharpener. Moments later, she pulled it back out. “See how sharp it is, Jill?”

  “That’s—err—brilliant.”

  “Isn’t it just? There was a delivery for you earlier. Donuts, apparently.”

  “Oh?” I hadn’t expected them to be delivered to the office. “Did the squirrels bring them?”

  It was only when I saw her puzzled expression that I realised what I’d said.

  “How could squirrels deliver donuts?”

  “Did I say squirrels? Silly me. I meant Cyrils.”

  “Cyrils?”

  “Err, yeah. It’s a little bakery I discovered called Cyril and Cyril.”

  “I see. These came in plain brown boxes. What are you going to do with all of those donuts?”

  “Eat them of course. By the way, Mrs V, how is that friend of yours who was in intensive care?”

  “She pulled through and should be home in a few days’ time.”

  “That is good news.”

  My desk was hidden behind a huge pile of boxes. I ripped one of them open to find the most delicious looking donuts. I took a step back and counted the boxes; there were twenty-four in total.

  Oh bum!

  When the squirrel had told me that they were going to give me a year’s supply of donuts, I’d assumed they would deliver a batch each week. Or each month. I hadn’t expected them all to be delivered at once.

  “Do you think you’ve got enough donuts there?” Winky grinned.

  “Too many.”

  “Where are they from?”

  “The squirrel committee gave them to me for services rendered.”

  “Lucky you. It’s a well-known fact that squirrels make exceptionally good donuts.”

  “That may be true, but what am I going to do with this lot? I’ll never eat them all.”

  “I could take a few off your hands.”

  “You’re welcome to, but that will still leave me with dozens.”

  “I know someone who could shift them for you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Billy the Baker would sell them for you, but he’d want fifty percent of the takings.”

  “That sounds fair.”

  “And of course, I’d want twenty-five percent.”

  “Why should I give you a cut?”

  “Because I’m the middleman, and without me you’ll be stuck with this lot.”

  “Okay, but I’m deducting the money you owe me first.”

  “Fair enough. It’s a deal.”

  I wasn’t looking forward to this phone call, but it was time to come clean with Raymond Double.

  “Jill? I thought you were going to send that video over on Saturday night.”

  “That was the plan. Unfortunately, my colleague had a problem with his phone, and he wasn’t able to record the video.”

  “Does that mean you don’t have any evidence to back up your accusation against Wayne?”

  “Unfortunately not, but I was right there, Rock, and I overheard the conversation. Wayne is definitely the one who’s been sabotaging your business. Every time you took a booking, he passed the details on to his colleague at the other agency who then undercut your price.”

  “That’s a very strong accusation, Jill.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “But we’re talking about a man I’ve known for years. A very honest man who I would trust with my life. He’d never do something like this.”

  “It’s very admirable of you to show him such loyalty, but he doesn’t deserve it.”

  “I’m sorry, Jill, but without evidence, I’m simply not prepared to accuse him of this.”

  “Where does that leave us?”

  “I’m sorry to have to say this, but I think you’ve failed to find the real culprit, and now you’re using Wayne as a scapegoat. I suggest you find out who’s really behind this, and we can talk again then.”

  “Hold on, Rock.”

  It was too late because he had already ended the call.

  ***

  As usual, it was Ronald who met me at the gates to the palace.

  “Hello again, Jill. You spend more time here than I do.”

  “It’s certainly beginning to feel that way.”

  “Her Majesty and her brother are waiting for you in the throne room.”

  “Devon’s here?”

  “Yes, is that a problem?”

  “It could be, but I have to go through with it now that I’m here.”

  After he’d shown me through to the throne room, Ronald took his leave. The queen was on her throne. Devon was standing beside her, glaring at me.

  “I was surprised to get your call, Jill,” Ursula said. “And to learn that you’re still working on the case. I thought we’d agreed there was no need for you to do anything else.”

 
“We did, but don’t worry because I won’t be charging you for the additional time that I’ve spent on it. It’s just that I felt there were some matters still unresolved.” I glanced over at Devon. “And, as it turned out, I was right.”

  “I see,” Ursula said. “What exactly have you discovered?”

  “I really do think it would be better if you and I could speak in private, Ursula.”

  She looked to Devon for his approval, but he shook his head. “I’d rather my brother stayed. Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of him.”

  “Okay. Despite what you’ve been told, the unicorn horns were not being stolen in order to sell them in collectibles shops.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Because they’re being ground into a powder, which is being sold in the human world as a sleeping draught.”

  Before Ursula could react, Devon snapped, “This is nonsense. Why are we even listening to this woman?”

  “Just a minute, Devon,” Ursula said. “Jill’s been good enough to come here today. We should at least hear her out. Jill, would you care to elaborate?”

  “I’d be happy to, but maybe Devon should be the one to tell you. After all, he’s the one behind this little escapade.”

  “That’s outrageous.” Devon looked like he wanted to kill me. “This woman is an idiot.”

  “Jill?” Ursula turned to me. “That’s a very serious accusation. What are you basing it on?”

  “My understanding is that some years ago you financed your brother in a business venture that went wrong.”

  “Why are you bringing that up now?” Devon said. “I just had a spot of bad luck, that’s all.”

  “I don’t understand what bearing his previous failed business has on what’s happening now,” Ursula said.

  “I believe you were manufacturing love potions and selling them in Candlefield, weren’t you, Devon?”

  “What of it?”

  “What did you use to make the potions?”

  “That’s none of your business.”

  “That’s okay. I already know the answer. You were stealing unicorn horns and grinding them down, just like you’re doing now.”

  “Ursula!” Devon turned to his sister. “Are you going to let her slander me like this?”

  “It’s only slander if it isn’t true,” I said. “But you and I know that’s exactly what happened, don’t we? The powder was totally ineffective as an aphrodisiac.”

  “I’ve heard enough of this,” Devon said.

  “Although your love potion business collapsed, there was a silver lining, wasn’t there? You discovered that the powder had an unexpected effect on some of the people who took it: It sent them to sleep, which is not exactly the desired effect for an aphrodisiac. Still, being the entrepreneur you clearly are, you saw another opportunity, didn’t you?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “I couldn’t understand why it took so long to launch this new venture, but then I realised that’s how long it took you to work out why the powder had only affected certain people. Once you’d done that, you were back in business.”

  “Is what she’s saying true, Devon?” Ursula turned to her brother.

  “Of course it isn’t. She’s only doing this because she’s embarrassed about failing to discover what really happened to the horns.”

  “Jill, do you have any evidence to back up these claims?”

  “Where would you like me to start? How about I begin with Sharon and Karen, the two sweetheart fairies who Devon got to steal the horns, both seven years ago and again now? Because of their size, they were able to get in and out of houses unnoticed. They only need to find a window cracked open wide enough for the horn to fit through.”

  “More nonsense.” Devon scoffed. “Do you really expect my sister to take the word of two ex-con sweetheart fairies over that of her brother?”

  “How do you know they’re ex-cons?”

  “I—err—I must have read about them somewhere.”

  “Does your sister know about the industrial unit where you make the sleeping draught?”

  “More lies.”

  “I went there earlier and saw for myself the powder waiting to be bottled and sold to unsuspecting customers. It’s not just the damage you’re doing to your own people. The sleeping draught is dangerous; it’s much too strong. I know of at least one human who was hospitalised after taking it.”

  “Is this true, Devon?” Ursula said.

  “Of course not. Are you really going to take her word over mine?”

  “I’m just asking you if it’s true.”

  “I’m not going to stay here and listen to these outrageous lies.” With that, he stormed out of the room.

  “I’m sorry about that, Jill. Please carry on. I want to know everything.”

  “As I said, I couldn’t figure out why there had been the long gap between the two incidents. At least, not until I checked on the horns that had supposedly been found in collectibles shops, and returned to their owners. I discovered that the only unicorns who didn’t get their horns back were mothers with newly-born babies.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t follow.”

  “When I visited Missy, one of the unicorns whose horns had been stolen, she mentioned that since the theft, she’d struggled to get her baby to go to sleep. The little one would normally nuzzle up to the horn, which I assumed was like a comfort blanket. On further investigation, I discovered that a new mother’s horn changes composition and gives off an aroma which sends the baby to sleep.”

  “Is that why some of those who bought the aphrodisiac fell asleep?”

  “Yes, the powder they took must have come from the horn of a new mother.”

  “I don’t understand, Jill. If it’s only those particular horns that have that effect, why steal them from other unicorns too? I know for a fact that several were taken from males.”

  “Devon knew if he targeted only mothers with newly-born babies, someone might realise what was going on. That’s why he got the sweetheart fairies to steal from a cross section of unicorns. The other horns were simply put to one side because they were of no use to him.”

  “I’m still trying to get my head around all of this, Jill. You mentioned an industrial unit. What did you see there?”

  “I have photos.” I took out my phone, brought up the images I’d taken during my visit, and showed them to the queen.

  “Unbelievable. I’m appalled. I’ll put a stop to this. You have my word.”

  “I hope so. I fear a human might die otherwise. What about your brother? What will you do about him?”

  “I don’t know. Devon is my only sibling. Our father died when we were young. We promised our mother that we’d look after one another.”

  “This is the second time he’s done this, Ursula. You have to take decisive action.”

  “You’re right, and I will. I’m so very grateful to you for seeing this through. You must bill me for the extra time you’ve spent on this.”

  “Rather than do that, do you think I could ask you a favour?”

  “Of course. What is it?”

  “My little girl, Florence, is crazy about unicorns. She knows I’ve been working for you and she asked if she could pay you a visit. I’ll understand if it’s not something you’re comfortable with.”

  “Of course she can. I look forward to seeing her.”

  “Thanks. Can I be even more cheeky and ask if she can bring her best friend with her?”

  “No problem. I look forward to meeting them both.”

  ***

  It was my turn to read Florence her bedtime story. She’d asked for the caterpillar book, which seemed to have displaced Elly and Smelly as her favourite. When she’d finally fallen asleep, I crept back downstairs to join Jack who was watching TV.

  “Do you fancy a glass of wine?” he said.

  “Why don’t we have the beer that Mr Bacus gave us? I need something strong after the week I
’ve had.”

  “You mean the business with the photos?”

  “Yeah, but not just that. There was Miss Drinkwater’s murder too. I should have got the credit for solving that, but now Grandma thinks the police told me who did it. I also managed to work out who’s been sabotaging Double Take, but the owner of the agency simply won’t believe me because I can’t provide him with any evidence.”

  “That’s my fault. If I hadn’t forgotten to charge my phone, you’d have the video.”

  “He should have believed me even without that. At the very least, he should have confronted Wayne, but he simply dismissed the idea out of hand.”

  “What about the unicorn case? Has that gone pear-shaped too?”

  “No, but I’m not convinced that Queen Ursula will take any action against her brother. She seems to have a blind spot where he’s concerned. She did say that Florence and Wendy can pay her a visit, though.”

  “Have you told Florence?”

  “Not yet. I’ll wait until I’ve set up a date, otherwise she’ll keep pestering.”

  “Good idea. Now, drink your beer and forget about work.”

  “I’ll try.” I took a sip. “Wow, this stuff is strong.”

  Jack took a long drink. “You’re not kidding. It definitely has a kick.” He pointed at the TV, which was showing the local news. “Did you hear about this?”

  “What is it?”

  “The ultimate feelgood story. Do you see that boy scout? Apparently, he was selling cookies to raise money for his scout troop when he found the rare coin that everyone’s been looking for in his takings. The scout group stands to benefit to the tune of twenty grand.”

  I looked closer at the boy’s face. It was the boy scout I’d bought the cookies from outside my offices. Did that mean—? No, it couldn’t. He’d probably been selling those cookies for several days; lots of people must have given him money.

  “Do you know the most fascinating part about this story?” Jack continued. “It seems he’d only been selling the cookies for a couple of hours when he went down with a tummy bug and had to go home. What were the chances of being given that coin during that short window of time?”

  Oh bum!