Witch Is How To Fool Cats Page 5

  I’d been doing my best to forget all about the Battle of the Bands contest in which I’d been ‘volunteered’ to perform a solo.

  “Of course I am. I’m counting the days.”

  “I’ve had a little flutter on it.” He grinned.

  “Are you being serious? I know you can bet on almost anything these days, but surely no betting shop would bother with something like this?”

  “I didn’t place the bet in a betting shop. I’ve had a small wager with the bandleader of West Chipping’s Community Band. I’ve bet that we finish above them.”

  “That’s rather brave, seeing as how we’re still relatively new to this.”

  “Yes, but you’re forgetting that we have a secret weapon.”

  “We do?”

  “Yes. You, of course. No other soloist stands a chance against you and the penny whistle.”

  “Right.”

  “I hope you’re getting in plenty of practice. Not that you need it.”

  “Every spare minute I get.”

  “Great. We’d better get going. Catch you later.”

  ***

  Mrs V was so deep in thought that she didn’t notice my arrival.

  “Mrs V?”

  “Sorry, dear. I was miles away.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Err, yes, of course.”

  “Something’s the matter. I can tell.”

  “It’s nothing. Just me being silly.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s Armi. I’m a little worried about him, that’s all.”

  “Isn’t he well?”

  “He’s fine. It’s just that he seems to have taken to binge eating all of a sudden. He’s usually very careful about what he eats, but this week he’s already got through three packets of biscuits and half a jam sponge.”

  “Have you talked to him about it?”

  “I’ve tried to, but he seems to be in denial. He won’t even admit that he’s done it. He tried to suggest that it was me who’d eaten them.”

  “Is it possible you’ve misplaced them? You did say that some ginger biscuits had gone missing earlier in the week.”

  “It’s definitely not that. After the ginger biscuit episode, I put all the cakes and biscuits in one cupboard, so I’d know where they were. I think he must be sneaking into the kitchen during the night and gorging himself.”

  “It’s probably just a passing phase. Maybe it was brought on by the stress of the move.”

  “I do hope you’re right, dear.”

  Although I didn’t say anything to Mrs V, I was becoming increasingly concerned about the disappearing food situation. I kept thinking back to the wood nymph I’d met in the woods behind Mrs V’s new house. What was his name? William something? Twigmore, that was it. He’d mentioned that wood nymphs had a passion for pink marshmallows. Perhaps they also liked biscuits and cake?

  It came as something of a relief to find that Winky’s bottling plant was standing idle, and that the cat himself was nowhere to be seen. The last thing I needed this morning was that stupid machine chugging away in the background while I was trying to apply my grey matter to my current caseload.

  Okay, Grey Matter, let’s get busy.

  Did I switch the washing machine on before I left the house?

  Naughty Grey Matter. You should be focussing on the cases.

  Is there any chicken in the fridge for tonight’s dinner?

  Come on, Grey Matter, concentrate for heaven’s sake.

  This was hopeless; I was getting nowhere fast. Perhaps a coffee would help me to focus, so I went through to the outer office, to ask Mrs V to rustle one up, but before I could get the words out, a werewolf came through the door.

  “Oh my goodness!” Mrs V almost fell out of her chair.

  I was still trying to figure out what to do when the werewolf burst into song. Only then did I realise this must be one of Seb Price’s singing telegrams.

  I raised my hand to signal to him to stop singing.

  “I’m Stuart Swayne. Seb asked me to come and see you.”

  “We’d better go through to my office.” I turned to Mrs V who still looked terrified. “It’s okay, Mrs V. It’s just a costume.”

  “It looks so real.”

  “It does, doesn’t it? Could you make me a coffee, please? What about you, Stuart, would you like one?”

  “A coffee would be lovely. Milk no sugar, please.”

  Once we were in my office, Stuart shifted back into human form. “That’s much better.” He stretched.

  “I’m impressed. Until Seb told me, I had no idea that there were werewolves who could do that.”

  “There aren’t many of us. I consider myself very lucky.”

  Mrs V came through the door, carrying our coffee, but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Stuart.

  “Where’s the man in the werewolf costume gone?”

  “This is him. Stuart thought it would be easier to talk if he took the costume off.”

  “Where is it?” She glanced around. “The costume?”

  Stuart looked panic-stricken, so I stepped in. “It’s behind the screen. He left it there when he got changed, didn’t you?”

  He nodded.

  Mrs V passed us our drinks while still eyeing Stuart suspiciously.

  “That was a close call.” Stuart breathed a sigh of relief once she’d left the room.

  “Seb told me that there had been some complaints about your performance.”

  “That’s right—there have—and to be honest, it makes no sense whatsoever.”

  “Isn’t it possible you were just having an off day? We all have those from time to time.”

  “If that was the case, I’d put my hands up and accept the criticism, but it isn’t. It’s happened to me twice now, and on both occasions the customer had been perfectly happy when I left.”

  “Perhaps they just didn’t like to say anything to your face.”

  “No, it definitely wasn’t that. I would have known. It’s not like this is my first rodeo. I worked for Seb out of the Candlefield branch for three years before moving here.”

  “I understand the same thing has happened to a number of other grams too?”

  “That’s right. Vicky was so upset, she moved back to the Candlefield office.”

  Stuart was clearly annoyed by what he saw as ‘bogus’ complaints, and the more we talked, the more convinced I became that something sinister might be afoot.

  “Do you believe me?” he asked, as we were wrapping up.

  “I do, yes.”

  “Thanks. That means a lot to me. I know some people think this is just a silly little job, but I take my work very seriously. Do you think you’ll be able to find out what’s going on?”

  “I’ll do my best. I give you my word on that.”

  “Thanks.” He stood up and started for the door.

  “Hold on, Stuart!”

  “What is it?”

  “Mrs V is going to wonder where your costume is.”

  “Oh yeah. It’s a good job you realised.” In the blink of an eye, he’d shifted back to werewolf form. “Bye, then.”

  “What was that thing?”

  I turned around to find Winky sitting on the windowsill.

  “Where did you come from?”

  “Never mind that. What kind of freaky monster was that?”

  “That was just Stuart. He’s a singing telegram.”

  “You have some very weird friends.”

  Chapter 6

  Winky’s bottling plant was back in full production, so I was glad to have an excuse to get out of the office.

  “I’m going to talk to one of the witnesses in the Green case, Mrs V. I’ll go straight home from there because Jack and I are having dinner at Kathy’s tonight.”

  “How lovely for you. I bet you’re looking forward to seeing your sister’s new house now they’re settled in.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Before you go, Jill, I’ve been meaning to
ask. What’s that noise coming from your office?”

  “What noise?” Mrs V’s hearing wasn’t the best, and I’d been hoping she hadn’t heard the bottling plant.

  “It’s a kind of rattling sound. It stopped for a while, but it’s just started up again.”

  “Oh, that noise. It’s—err—just the radiator. It’s started acting up.”

  “Are you sure that’s what it is? The one in here seems to be okay.”

  “Definitely. It’s a bit of a nuisance.”

  “Shall I give Mr Macabre a call?”

  “No, don’t bother. It’ll probably sort itself out in a couple of days.”

  ***

  Boris Newman was the man who had recorded the video of John Green diving to his death. I’d arranged to meet him during his mid-afternoon break at the leisure centre.

  “I hope you don’t mind us talking in here.” He showed me into what appeared to be a walk-in cupboard. “I’m not allowed to use the meeting rooms because of my dirty overalls.”

  “This will be fine.”

  “Here.” He took two buckets from one of the shelves, turned one over and sat on it, and handed the other to me.

  “As I mentioned on the phone, I’d like to ask you about the video you took of John Green.”

  “You must understand that when I was recording it, I had no idea what he was going to do. I thought he was messing around, so I was going to use it as evidence. Even when he climbed up to the diving board, I still thought it was some kind of joke. We get people pulling pranks all the time. But then he—” Newman shook his head. “I couldn’t believe it. I pressed the ‘Stop’ button as soon as I realised what he was going to do.”

  “How did he even get in there? Wasn’t the pool closed for maintenance?”

  “Yes, and there were notices and a barrier in front of the door, saying the pool was closed, but it wasn’t locked. We regularly close down one of the pools and we’ve never had a single problem before.”

  “What did you think when you first saw him in there?”

  “Like I said, I thought he was just messing around. Although, he didn’t really look the sort. Most of the trouble we get is from teenagers.”

  “There was no sound on the video I saw.”

  “I didn’t have it switched on.”

  “Did Green say anything? From what I could see, he didn’t appear to speak.”

  “No. It was all quite eerie. As soon as I saw him, I shouted that he should get out, but it was as if he couldn’t hear me. And his eyes. Did you notice his eyes? They seemed to be glazed over as though he was drugged up or something. Was he, do you know?”

  “Not as far as I’m aware.”

  “I don’t get it.” Newman sighed. “If he wasn’t high, why would he do something like that? I mean, if you want to top yourself, there are any number of better ways. It doesn’t bear thinking about.”

  “What happened afterwards?”

  “I rang reception and told them to call an ambulance and the police. To be honest, I knew it was too late for the ambulance. And I told them they needed to get everyone out of the leisure centre and lock the doors.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I waited for the emergency services to arrive, and told them what had happened. I had to go to the police station to give a statement, so I didn’t get home until quite late. I took a few days off because I was a bit shaken, as you can imagine.”

  “What I don’t understand is why you put the video online. You must have realised the upset that would cause.”

  “I feel terrible about that. I really do. While I was waiting for the emergency services to arrive, a friend of mine phoned me. I was supposed to be meeting him and he wanted to know where I was. When I told him that I couldn’t make it and why, he said I was just making it up, so like a fool, I sent him the video. Just to prove I wasn’t lying. I had no idea the idiot would go and put it online. Needless to say, he and I are no longer friends.”

  Although Newman should never have sent the video to his friend, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. The incident had clearly had an impact, and it would probably be something that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

  ***

  Jack and I were getting ready to go to Kathy’s. Or, more precisely, Jack was. I’d been ready for ages, but he was still trying to decide which shirt to wear.

  “It doesn’t matter which one you wear.” I sighed. “We’re only going to Kathy’s.”

  “One of us has to make the effort.”

  Ouch! When did Jack master the art of the burn?

  “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

  “Nothing’s wrong with it, but we have been invited to dinner.”

  “Not by the queen.”

  He rolled his eyes at me.

  “Okay, I’ll change my jeans, but if I get there and Kathy looks like a bag of rags, I won’t be happy.”

  “Are you going to tell them about Martin?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “You probably should. It won’t look good if she hears it from your grandmother.”

  “You’re right. I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to explain it.”

  “You’ll come up with something. You always do.”

  When we left the house, Jack cocked his head to one side. “Can you hear that?”

  “Hear what?”

  “That—err—weird sound. It seems to be coming from across the road.”

  “Do you mean that whooshing sound?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s the Normals’ wind turbines. I meant to tell you about those yesterday. They’ve got about twenty of them in their back garden. According to Norm, they’ll generate all the electricity they need, and it isn’t going to cost them a penny.”

  “Apart from the cost of the wind turbines, you mean?”

  “That’s what I thought too, but according to Norm, the wind turbines were supplied and installed free of charge.”

  “That doesn’t sound right to me.” Jack shook his head.

  “He’s probably got it all wrong, but I still think we should look into it.”

  “Would you really want a garden full of wind turbines?”

  “Not particularly, but if it means we get free electricity, it might be worth it.”

  “Who supplied them?”

  “WWE, and no, it isn’t the wrestling people. Apparently, it stands for Washbridge Windfarm Enterprises.”

  “I’ll take a look at their website tomorrow and see what’s what.”

  “What did I tell you?” Jack whispered, as we made our way up the driveway.

  Kathy was wearing what was obviously a new dress, and Peter looked very smart in his grey trousers and blue shirt.

  “Welcome to the Brooks residence,” Kathy said.

  “I win.” Peter grinned.

  “Win what?” Jack, ever the competitor, asked.

  “Kathy said Jill would turn up in jeans.”

  “You’ve just cost me a fiver,” Kathy said. “I was certain you would.”

  “That just shows how little you know me. Jack said we didn’t need to get dressed up, but I insisted we should.” Jack’s face was a picture, but before he could contradict me, I continued, “Are you actually going to invite us inside or are we eating al fresco?”

  “Sorry, come on in.”

  “Where are the kids?”

  “They’re at Pete’s parents, but they’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

  “Aren’t we eating until then?” I sighed. “I’m starving.”

  “Don’t panic. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. The kids will be eating at McDonald’s with their grandparents. Pete, why don’t you show Jack your games room while Jill helps me to set the table.”

  “You’ve got a games room?” Jack was practically green with envy.

  “That’s rather a grand name for it.” Peter laughed. “There’s just enough room for the pool table.”

  “Pool? Cool. Best of five?
”

  “You two are not playing pool all night!” Kathy said. “You can have one game before we eat, and that’s it.”

  “One game is all I need to beat Pete,” Jack quipped.

  “What do you need me to do?” I asked Kathy.

  “Nothing. Everything’s in hand. I only sent them away so that we can catch up on all the gossip.”

  “Actually, I do have something important to tell you.”

  “You’re pregnant. I knew it.”

  “No, I’m not.” I ran my hand over my tummy. “Do I look like I am?”

  “Of course you don’t, but you and Jack must be trying, aren’t you?”

  “He’s very trying at times, particularly when he’s playing with that stupid train set of his. But in answer to your question, no we’re not trying.”

  “What did you want to tell me, then?”

  “This is going to sound a little weird.”

  “You say that as though that would be unusual.” She grinned.

  “I have a brother.”

  “What do you mean, you have a brother?”

  “Just what I said. His name is Martin.”

  “You do not have a brother. How can you have one?”

  “It seems that my birth mother gave birth to a son five years before I was born.”

  “And you’ve only just found out?”

  “Yeah. I had dinner with him last night.”

  “Hang on. How come no one told you about him? Your grandmother and auntie must have known.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “It must be. Go on, then, I’m listening.”

  “No one knew where he was, or even if he was still alive. The adoption agency isn’t allowed to divulge that kind of information.”

  “If that’s true, how come your birth mother managed to track you down before she died?”

  Oh bum! I really should have thought this through.

  “Apparently, she hired a private investigator to trace both of us, but he wasn’t able to locate Martin. Mum, Aunt Lucy and Grandma decided it would be better not to say anything in case it upset me.”

  “That’s just stupid.”

  “I agree. They should have told me. I think they realise that now.”