Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39) Read online

  Chapter 8

  Mrs V was flat out on the desk, with her head resting on a giant ball of wool. For a horrible moment, I thought she must have passed out, but when I got closer, I could hear her snoring. All that knitting must really take it out of you. I didn’t have the heart to wake her, so I crept past her desk and into my office where Winky was sitting on the windowsill, staring at something.

  “What are you looking at, Winky?”

  “We were being spied on.”

  “What do you mean, spied on?”

  “He was over there, on the other side of the road.”

  “Who was?”

  “A squirrel. And I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not going crazy.”

  “I believe you.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, this is the third time it’s happened. He was watching me as I walked through the village the other day. He was at it again yesterday in our back garden. But I never thought he’d follow me into the city.”

  “How do you know it’s the same squirrel?”

  “It looked like the same one to me, but I suppose that might just be my imagination. Either way, it’s starting to give me the creeps.”

  “You should report it to the police.”

  “And what exactly am I supposed to tell them? That I’m being stalked by a squirrel? I don’t think so. They’ll think that I’m the one who’s gone nuts.”

  I spent the next hour digging out all my books in advance of the following day’s tax inspection. I’d just finished when Mrs V popped her head around the door.

  “Jill, I’m awfully sorry. Why didn’t you wake me when you came in?”

  “I didn’t have the heart; you looked so peaceful. Didn’t you sleep very well last night?”

  “Quite the contrary. I slept like a log, but that was because I’d taken a sleeping draught.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, it’s called U-Sleep.”

  “Do you often take that?”

  “No, but I haven’t been sleeping well lately. One of the yarnies suggested I try it, and it did the trick—it completely knocked me out. It took Armi all his time to wake me up this morning. It must have been strong because I still feel half asleep.”

  “Do you need to go home?”

  “No, I’m going to make myself a coffee. That’ll wake me up. Do you want one?”

  “Not right now, thanks.” Just then, my phone rang. “Sorry, Mrs V, I’ll have to take this. It’s my grandmother.”

  “Alright, dear.”

  “Grandma, hi.”

  “I need you to come and pick me up. I’m at the police station.”

  “What are you doing there?”

  “These idiots brought me in for questioning.”

  “About what?”

  “What do you think? Miss Drinkwater’s murder of course.”

  “You haven’t been arrested, have you?”

  “No, they were just questioning me, but it’s obvious they’re treating me as a suspect. Why are you wasting time, gabbing? I need to get back to the hotel.”

  “Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  I hurried out of the office.

  “Mrs V, I have to go. My grandmother needs picking up from the police station.”

  “What has she done this time?”

  “Nothing.” Fingers crossed. “She was just helping with their enquiries.”

  Grandma was waiting outside the police station.

  “It took you long enough, didn’t it?” She climbed in beside me. “Where were you?”

  “I got here as quickly as I could. Why didn’t you just magic yourself to the hotel?”

  “Aren’t you always telling me that I shouldn’t use magic in the human world?”

  “I—err—yes, but since when did you take notice of anything I say?”

  “Come on. Can’t this thing go any faster?”

  “I’m not getting a speeding ticket just for you.”

  We hadn’t gone far when Henry popped his head out of the glove compartment. “Jill, can you put on some music?”

  Before I could reply, Grandma had pushed him back inside, and slammed the glove compartment closed. “Stay in there, young elf. We’re busy.”

  Poor old Henry. He didn’t know what had hit him.

  “What did the police actually say to you?”

  “They asked lots of stupid questions: When was the last time I saw Miss Drinkwater? What were we arguing about the other morning? That sort of thing. I told them they were wasting their time talking to me, and that they should be out looking for the murderer.”

  “The police don’t really think you did it, do they?”

  “Who knows what those fools are thinking.”

  “You didn’t do it, did you?”

  “Of course I didn’t, but I need you to find out who did.”

  “I’m not getting involved. The police can deal with it.”

  “It’ll take them forever. I can’t afford to have the police hanging around the village. It’ll be bad for business. No one will want to stay at First Time if they know Middle Tweaking is swarming with police.”

  “I’m already busy working on two cases.”

  “You’ll just have to drop one of them, then, won’t you? This is clearly more important.”

  “There’s no way I’m dropping one of my cases, but I’ll see what I can find out about Miss Drinkwater’s murder.”

  “Good, and I need a quick result otherwise people will start to cancel their bookings. You should start by talking to Marian.”

  “Who’s Marian?”

  “The young waitress who works there. Apparently, she was the one who found the body.”

  “I will if I can track her down. It might not be easy now the police are involved.”

  “This is her phone number.” Grandma handed me a slip of paper.

  “How did you get that?”

  “Are you going to give me the third degree too, or are you going to do something useful, like talking to the waitress.”

  “Okay, I’ll speak to her.”

  After I’d dropped Grandma off at the hotel, I tried calling Marian’s number but there was no reply, so I sent her a short text message, asking her to get in touch with me. Whether she would or not, was anyone’s guess.

  “You’re early, aren’t you?” Jack said.

  “I had to bring Grandma home from the police station.”

  “What was she doing there?”

  “They took her in for questioning about Miss Drinkwater. I assume you heard she was murdered?”

  “Of course. There’s been talk of nothing else around the village all day. They don’t suspect your grandmother, do they?”

  “I don’t think so, but she’s demanding I solve the murder because she’s worried the police presence will affect her business.”

  “I hope you told her to get stuffed.”

  “Something like that.”

  “Mummy! Mummy!” Florence came running in from the garden. “Did you come home early to teach me the ‘faster’ spell?”

  Oh bum! I’d forgotten all about that.

  “I—err—”

  “You said you were going to teach me it today if the weather was nice, and it is. It’s sunny.”

  “You might as well go now,” Jack said. “I haven’t even started dinner yet.”

  “Okay. Florence, you have to learn the spell before we go because we can’t take the book with us to Tweaking Meadows.”

  “Mummy, can I come and get the spell book with you?”

  “No, you can’t, you little monkey. You can stay down here.”

  I went upstairs, got changed, and took the spell book from its hiding place in the wardrobe. Back downstairs, Florence and I sat at the kitchen table.

  “Take your time. You have to be sure you know it.”

  She studied the page. “This spell is really easy. I’ve learned it already.”

  “Are you sure? We don’t want to get all the way down
there and find you’ve forgotten it. Why don’t you take one more look?”

  “Okay.” She studied the page for another minute. “I know it now. It’s easy peasy.”

  After I’d put the spell book back in its hiding place, Florence and I set off for Tweaking Meadows.

  “Florence, listen to me for a minute.”

  “Yes, Mummy?”

  “If there are any humans there, we’ll have to go home and try another day.”

  “But you said I could do it today.”

  “And you can, but not if there are any humans around.”

  “Couldn’t you use magic to make them go to sleep or forget?”

  “No, I can’t. You’ll just have to keep your fingers crossed that the meadow is deserted.”

  “Why?”

  “That’s what you do when you hope for something.” I crossed my fingers to demonstrate.

  “My fingers won’t do that.”

  Oh no! What had I done? First the whistling, now this.

  “Give me your hand.” I gently put one of her fingers over the one next to it. “See! You can do it.”

  “How does crossing your fingers work, Mummy?”

  “I don’t know.” I was beginning to regret having mentioned this, but then I spotted that the meadow was deserted. “Look, we’re okay, there’s no one here.”

  “Is that because we crossed our fingers?”

  “Probably.”

  “Shall I cast the spell now, Mummy?” She was clearly eager to get started.

  “Not just yet. Why don’t you run to that tree over there, touch it, and run back, and I’ll time how long it takes. Then, after you’ve cast the spell, you can do it again and we’ll see how much quicker you are.”

  “Okay. Are you going to say go?”

  “Yes. Ready? One, two, three, go!”

  And off she went as fast as her little legs would carry her. After touching the tree on the other side of the meadow, she ran back to me.

  “That was very good! That took you thirty-six seconds. Now, cast the spell and do it again.”

  “Okay, Mummy.” She closed her eyes and I could see that she was focusing as hard as she could. “I’ve done it. I’ve cast the spell.”

  “Okay. Ready? One, two, three, go!”

  This time, she ran so fast that I could barely see her. She had no sooner touched the tree on the other side of the meadow than she was back by my side.

  “How long did it take me this time, Mummy?”

  “Five seconds.”

  “That’s super-fast, isn’t it?”

  “It certainly is.”

  “I wish I could use the ‘faster’ spell on sports day at school.”

  “Well, you can’t. You know you can’t.”

  “But I always come last in races. If I used the spell, I’d be first.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You can’t use it and that’s all there is to it. Okay?”

  “Okay. Can I run again?”

  “Yes, off you go.”

  No sooner had she set off than I heard a voice behind me.

  “Hi, Jill.” It was Olga. “I thought I saw Florence with you.”

  “I—err—” Florence suddenly appeared at my side. “Yes, she’s here.”

  Olga did a double take. “I don’t understand. She was here, then she wasn’t, and now she is again.”

  I was such an idiot. Why hadn’t I checked the meadow was still empty before telling Florence she could go for another run?

  “She was here all the time, weren’t you, Florence?” I said. “She was standing behind me.”

  “Oh?” Olga was clearly still puzzled. “What are you two doing here? Have you brought your little doggy for a walk?” She glanced around.

  “No, Buddy’s back at the house. He’s already had his walk today and he’s tired out.”

  “We came to practise—” Florence blurted out.

  I jumped in before she could say too much. “Practise, err—making daisy chains. Didn’t we, Florence?” I winked at her.

  “Yes, Mummy.” Winking was another thing that Florence hadn’t quite mastered, so she blinked both eyes.

  Olga glanced around. “But I can’t see a single daisy in the meadow.”

  “I know.” I sighed. “It’s so disappointing. Florence had been so looking forward to it too. Oh well, we’d better get back for dinner.”

  “Before you go, Jill, I’d intended coming to see you later. I wanted to invite you to—” As soon as I heard the word invite my heart sank. “—come to the meeting of the Middle Tweaking Basket-weaving Society on Saturday. You said you thought you might enjoy it.”

  I was pretty sure I’d said no such thing. “Saturday? How disappointing. I would have loved to come, but I take Florence to her dance class on Saturday.”

  “Don’t worry. You’ll still be able to make it. The dance class is in the morning. I know that because we use the village hall too. The meeting doesn’t start until two.”

  “Right. That’s great. Oh, wait a minute. Oh no. I’ve just remembered that we’ve already arranged to do something on Saturday afternoon. Maybe next time.” I grabbed Florence’s hand. “Come on, darling. Our dinner will be ready. Bye, Olga.”

  As we walked back to the old watermill, Florence said, “I didn’t get chance to practise the ‘faster’ spell very much, Mummy.”

  “I know, but we couldn’t do it while Olga was there, could we?”

  “Can we go back there another day, so I can practise some more?”

  “I have a better idea. You’ll be able to do it at the seaside on Sunday. You can run up and down the beach as often as you like in Candle Sands.”

  “Do you think the two Lilys know how to do the ‘faster’ spell?”

  “I don’t know, darling. Probably not because the twins haven’t taught them much magic.”

  “I could show them, couldn’t I?”

  “That’s a great idea.”

  “You two weren’t gone very long,” Jack said.

  “Florence managed to try the spell a couple of times, but then Olga appeared, so we had to call it a day.”

  “I ran really fast, Daddy, didn’t I, Mummy?”

  “You did. She was like a cheetah.”

  “I didn’t cheat!” Florence sounded quite put out.

  “I didn’t mean that, darling. A cheetah is a really fast wild animal.”

  “I’m a cheetah. I’m a cheetah.” She ran outside and began to chase Buddy around the garden.

  “Olga invited me to her basket-weaving club on Saturday, but I told her that we’d already planned to go out.”

  “Oh dear.”

  “What do you mean, oh dear?”

  “While you were out, Oscar came around to ask if I’d like to see more of his stamp collection.”

  “Lucky you.” I grinned.

  “On Saturday afternoon while Olga is at her basket-weaving club.”

  “You told him no. Please tell me you told him no.”

  “I wanted to, but I didn’t have the heart because he seemed so keen.”

  “Well that’s just dandy. Now Olga will know we’re not going out, and she’ll expect me to go to the stupid basket-weaving class.”

  “Why don’t you tell her that you can’t leave Florence alone?”

  “Good idea. That’s what I’ll do.”

  “I’m a cheetah! I’m a cheetah!” Florence came running into the house.

  Just then, there was a knock at the door.

  “Olga?”

  “I’ve just seen Oscar. He told me the good news.”

  “Did he?”

  “Now you aren’t going out on Saturday afternoon, you’ll be able to join us at basket-weaving.”

  “I really wish I could, but I have to stay here and look after this little one.” I gave Florence a gentle pat on the head.

  “She can come too. We have a kid’s group. You’d like to learn how to make baskets, wouldn’t you, Florence?”

  “Yeah! Can I, Mummy? Please?” />
  “Err, yeah, of course.”

  “Great!” Olga said. “We’ll see both of you on Saturday.”

  Chapter 9

  “Jill? What are you doing?” Jack rolled over in bed. “Are you alright?”

  “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”

  “It’s still dark.”

  “I have to pick up Mr Bacus, remember?”

  “Oh yeah.” He yawned. “See you tonight, then.”

  When I left the house, toast in hand, Jack and Florence were still in bed. Although I was grateful that Mr Bacus was going to be there for Betty’s visit, I wished he hadn’t insisted on going in so early.

  I’d just got in the car when the glove compartment opened, and Henry stuck his head out; he had a small plaster on his forehead.

  “I wish to register an official complaint,” he said.

  “Not now, Henry. I’m really not in the mood for this. I’m too tired.”

  “Just look at my head.” He pointed to the plaster. “That woman with the wart on her nose did this to me. She could have killed me.”

  “Don’t exaggerate.”

  “Who is she, anyway?”

  “That, Henry, is my grandmother.”

  “I’ve a good mind to sue her.”

  “If you’ll take my advice, you’ll let it drop. You really don’t want to go up against that woman. You’ll only live to regret it.”

  “The least she could do is to reimburse me for the cost of the plasters.”

  “I’m sorry, Henry, but you’ll have to get back in the glove compartment because I have to pick up my accountant.”

  “What about my head? I have a blinding headache.”

  “Take some tablets and sleep it off.” I closed the glove compartment.

  What do you mean, where was my compassion? I’d left it back in my bed where I should have been.

  Mr Bacus was waiting for me by his gate.

  “Good morning, Arthur.” I opened the door. “I hope I’m not late.”

  “No, you’re dead on time.” He climbed in beside me. “I do appreciate punctuality; it’s so rare these days. I’m sorry I had to ask you to get up so early.”

  “No problem. I’m an early riser, anyway.”

  “I’m looking forward to spending some time in Washbridge. It’s a while since I was there.”