Witch Is When The Hammer Fell (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 8) Read online

  Witch Is When

  The Hammer Fell

  Published by Implode Publishing Ltd

  © Implode Publishing Ltd 2016

  The right of Adele Abbott to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  All rights reserved, worldwide. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.

  The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, dead or alive, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Chapter 1

  I was still half asleep when I stepped out of my flat, and bumped into Luther Stone.

  “Oh hi, Jill,” he said in that sexy voice of his. “I was hoping I might see you.”

  “Morning, Luther.”

  Hoping to see me, eh? That sounded promising. I hadn’t seen his sidekick, Lucinda, for a while. Maybe he’d seen the error of his ways, and dumped her. Perhaps he’d realised there was someone much closer to home who was just right for him.

  “There’s something I’d like to show you,” he said. “When you have a moment.”

  “What’s that?” My curiosity was piqued.

  “That would be telling. It’s a surprise.”

  Normally, I hated surprises. But a surprise from Luther Stone? That was different.

  “Are you free tomorrow, after work?”

  “Tomorrow? Let me think.” Yes! Yes! Yes! “I think that should be okay. What time did you have in mind?”

  “How about six o’clock? Could you come to my flat then?”

  “I’ll do my best.” Just try stopping me!

  As soon as I was in the car, I called Kathy. I had to let her know the latest development.

  “Jill? Do you realise what time it is? I’m trying to get the kids ready for school. Is something wrong?”

  “I have important news.”

  “Do you mean real important news, or your kind of important news?”

  “Luther Stone—”

  “Oh, that kind of important news.”

  “No listen, Kathy. This time there’s no mistake. He wants me to go around to his flat tomorrow after work.”

  “What for?”

  “He said it’s a surprise.”

  “Oh dear.”

  “What do you mean ‘oh dear’? It’s obviously a good thing. Why else would he ask me to go around there? Maybe he’s bought me a present?”

  “Why would Luther Stone buy you a present? He’s your accountant. Have you forgotten what happened last time you got carried away like this?”

  “That was completely different. That was just a misunderstanding. How could I have known he just wanted to look at my books? I just got a little carried away.”

  “A little carried away? You bought a new dress, hired a chef and almost set the place on fire with a thousand candles.”

  “I don’t need reminding, thank you. Anyway, as I was trying to tell you, this time he didn’t mention my books, or accountancy, or anything like that. He said he had a little surprise for me, and that I should go around to his place at six o’clock tomorrow. Look, I’m too excited to go into work just yet. Can I come over to yours?”

  “Right now? It’s pandemonium here at the moment.”

  “I won’t get in the way. I promise.”

  ***

  When I arrived at Kathy’s, Peter was upstairs getting the kids ready for school.

  “So, what do you think?” I said.

  “About what?” Kathy was making sandwiches.

  “You know what! About Luther Stone and his surprise.”

  “I think you’re getting way ahead of yourself as usual. Why don’t you do what normal people do.”

  “Who wants to be normal? Normal is boring.”

  “I just don’t want you to build your hopes up, and end up disappointed again. We don’t want a repeat of the last time.”

  “I wish you’d stop reminding me about that. I told you—that was completely different.”

  “How was it different?”

  “It just was. Anyway, are you going to offer me a cup of tea or what?”

  “If you want one, you’ll have to make it yourself. I have to get ready for work, and get the kids off to school.”

  “Okay. Do you want one?”

  “Yeah, go on then.”

  “I thought you might.”

  I made us both a cup of tea. At least I got the right amount of sugar in mine for a change. The Tupperware box, which should have had my custard creams in it, was empty—as per usual.

  “I thought you were going to get some custard creams in for me.”

  “I will when I have time. Anyway, there are plenty in the tin.”

  “You know I can’t eat those.”

  “They’re perfectly good custard creams. If I’d taken them out of the tin, and put them in your Tupperware box five minutes before you walked in, you’d have been none the wiser.”

  “Of course I would. I know when a custard cream has been contaminated.”

  “You need help.”

  “Anyway.” I ignored her remark. “What do you think Luther’s surprise might be?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he’s devised a new accounting system, and he wants to talk you through it?”

  “It can’t be anything like that. He would have said if it was to do with work. He was being very secretive. The way he spoke—it was very—sexy.”

  “You’re doing it again! You’re getting carried away.”

  “It’s definitely not my imagination this time. Maybe he’s going to ask me to move in with him?”

  “You haven’t even been on a date with the man! Of course he isn’t going to ask you to move in with him!”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do, because I live in the world of the sane—unlike you.”

  “It’s no good talking to you. I shouldn’t have bothered coming round.”

  “I did warn you it wasn’t a good time.”

  “I suppose I ought to go then.”

  “Just a minute. Now you’re here, I want to ask you a favour.”

  “You want to ask me a favour, after you’ve spent the last ten minutes criticising me?”

  “I haven’t been criticising. I’ve just been trying to make you see sense.”

  “Says you! What’s the favour?”

  “It isn’t for me, anyway. It’s for Lizzie.”

  “Oh, well, that’s different. Does she need me to help her with her homework or something?”

  Kathy laughed. “Do you really think I’d ask you to help with her homework? You were hopeless at school.”

  “I was not hopeless!”

  “Yes, you were. You always came last in tests.”

  “You’re exaggerating. Anyway, how can I help her?”

  “Her teacher has set her class a project. They have to write about the kind of job they’d like to do when they grow up. For some reason, which I can’t even begin to understand, Lizzie says she’d like to be a private investigator.”

  “Did she?” I smirked. “She’s obviously seen what an exciting life I lead.”

  “Yeah—no, it can’t be that. Perhaps she’s seen one on TV.”

  “Cheek!”

  “Anyway, the teacher said they should spend a day with someone who does the job which they’d like to do. So she wants to spend a day with you to see what it is you do. That’s always assuming you do anything at all.”

  “A day?
You mean, like a whole day?”

  “Yeah, why not? That’s what the teacher suggested.”

  “But what would she do?”

  “Go to the office with you, and watch what you do. And then, assuming she doesn’t die of boredom, she can write about it when she’s back at school.”

  “But it might be scary for her. I deal with some very dangerous cases.”

  “Give me a break. You spend most of your time twiddling your thumbs, wondering where your next job is coming from, and talking to your silly cat.”

  “Winky isn’t silly.”

  “So, can she come with you or not?”

  Lizzie ran into the room. “Please, Auntie Jill. Can I? I really want to spend a day at your office because you’ve got an exciting job. Not like Mummy and Daddy.”

  “Of course you can, Lizzie. I’d be delighted for you to spend some time with me. But you shouldn’t be too hard on your mum and dad—not everyone can have an interesting and exciting job.”

  Kathy rolled her eyes. “So, can we set a date then?”

  “I’ll have to check my diary and see what’s happening.”

  “Check your diary?” She laughed. “Is there anything in it?”

  “As I was saying—I’ll check my diary, to find out when would be the best day, and I’ll let you know. Is that okay, Lizzie?”

  “Yes. Thanks, Auntie Jill.”

  Peter told Lizzie to go and clean her teeth.

  “Thanks for that,” Kathy said. “She’ll enjoy a nice, quiet day at your office.”

  “Well, at least she wants to come to work with me. She doesn’t appear to be very interested in spending time at the wool shop with you.”

  “Just as well. Your grandmother would probably scare her to death. Anyway, there’s something else I wanted to ask you.”

  “Another favour?”

  “No. I just thought it would be something you’d enjoy.”

  If Kathy thinks I’m going to enjoy something, you can be pretty sure I won’t.

  “What have you got me into this time?”

  “I’ve decided it’s about time I got back in shape. I also need a way to relax after work.”

  “Kathy, what have you signed me up for?”

  “It’s nothing strenuous.”

  “Just tell me what it is.”

  “Yoga.”

  “I’m not doing yoga.”

  “Look, it’s a free trial. I thought we could both go along, and see what we thought of it.”

  “Yoga? Do you know what they do? You have to stretch your arms and legs into unnatural positions. We could do ourselves a serious injury.”

  “Stop being such a wimp. You and I are going to yoga. If we don’t like it, we needn’t go again.”

  “Do I have a choice?”

  “Not really.”

  “You shouldn’t let her push you around.” Peter grinned.

  “I’ll get my own back—don’t worry. Anyway, Peter, are you still enjoying working for the colonel?”

  “It was the best move I ever made. He’s the first employer who’s ever shown me any respect. In fact, he doesn’t really treat me like an employee at all. More like, I know this sounds stupid, but more like a son. He always asks how the family are. And best of all, he appreciates the work I do. It’s just brilliant.”

  “Does the colonel have any kids? I don’t remember him mentioning any.”

  “Just the one son as far as I’m aware. I get the impression that they aren’t very close. From the little he did tell me, it sounds as though his son was on course for a career in engineering. But then as far as I can make out, he dropped out of university and just sort of threw it all away. The colonel glossed over it, but I got the impression that gambling and drink were his son’s downfall.”

  I left Kathy, Peter and the kids to their pandemonium. It gave me a migraine just watching them running around the house, shouting at one another.

  ***

  As I walked up the stairs to the office, I heard a strange noise. It was a sort of buzzing sound. When I pushed open the door, I saw Mrs V in the far corner; she was leaning over a machine of some kind.

  “Mrs V!” I shouted.

  She couldn’t hear me at the best of times, so she had no chance over the sound of that machine; whatever it was.

  “Mrs V! What are you doing?”

  She still couldn’t hear a thing, but then she jumped when she caught sight of me.

  “Jill! I didn’t hear you come in. Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I did. I’ve been shouting at you for the last minute.”

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you because of the shredder.”

  “Where did it come from? I didn’t order this.”

  “Those people next door, the Armitages, were throwing it out. Two men were just about to take it downstairs, so I asked them if it worked, and they said it did. They said we could have it if we wanted it. I thought it might come in handy.”

  “But we don’t really have any confidential waste.”

  “All of our files could be classed as confidential.”

  “Yes, but we don’t need to throw them away.”

  “But it’s such fun. Look.” She fed a sheet of paper into the machine.

  “It’s just a shredder, Mrs V. That’s what they do.”

  “I’ve never used one before. I didn’t realise how exciting they are.”

  “What’s that pile of documents?”

  “They’re just old files.”

  “Can I take a look?” I flicked through them. “You can’t shred these!”

  “Why not, dear? They’re just taking up room in the filing cabinet.”

  “These are recent cases. In fact, a couple of them are still current.”

  “Are they? I didn’t realise.”

  “You can’t just shred any old thing.”

  “But it makes such pretty confetti.”

  “I’m sure it does, but the whole idea is that you shred documents which are no longer needed. I think we should get rid of this machine.”

  “No! Please don’t do that,” she begged. “Can’t we keep it?”

  “Okay, but you can’t shred anything else without checking with me first. Agreed?”

  “Agreed.”

  Chapter 2

  I was at my desk, doing nothing in particular, when I heard the outer door open. There were raised voices, and then the door to my office burst open. It was Grandma.

  “Sorry, Jill,” Mrs V said. “I tried to stop her.”

  “It’s okay, Mrs V.”

  “Well, young lady?” Grandma said. “Are you ready?”

  Was I meant to be going somewhere with her? Had she told me that I should be ready for something? I searched my memory, but drew a blank.

  “Ready for what, Grandma?”

  “Ready for your next magic lesson, of course.”

  “I thought you said that we weren’t going to have any more lessons for a while?”

  “If you remember, what I actually said was I didn’t want you distracted while you were acting as campaign manager for my shot at a seat on the town council. A role in which, I might add, you failed miserably.”

  “It was a very close result, Grandma.”

  “Close doesn’t cut it, Jill. Am I on the town council?”

  “No.”

  “Did you fail, then?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “That just about sums it up, then. Anyway, now that the campaign’s over, there’s no reason why your magic lessons can’t resume.”

  “I am rather busy.”

  “No you’re not. Come on, let’s get going.”

  “Right this minute?”

  “No time like the present. We’re going to the Range.”

  “Will the twins be there?”

  “You won’t be having any more lessons with the twins. They’re level two, and likely to stay on that level forever. The sooner you work your way up to level six, the better for all concerned.”

>   “I’ve only been a witch for five minutes!”

  “You’ve been a witch all your life. You may insist you didn’t know, but that’s no excuse.”

  “I reached level three in record time.”

  “What would you like? Some kind of medal?”

  “That would be nice.”

  She gave me a withering look.

  “I was only joking.”

  “Magic is not a joking matter. It’s very serious. Take my hand and we’ll go to the Range now.”

  “What if Mrs V checks my office? Won’t she wonder where we’ve gone?”

  “Annabel is way too focused on her knitting to notice whether you’re here or not. Besides, when I came through just now, she was staring at that machine in the corner of the room. I think that old girl is losing her marbles. Come on. Let’s get going.”

  She grabbed my hand with her bony fingers, and the next thing I knew we were at the Range. It had been a while since I’d been there, and it was much quieter than on any of my previous visits. Almost eerily quiet.

  “There aren’t many people here today, Grandma.”

  “That’s because it’s an ‘advanced’ day.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It means that no one below level three is allowed in. That gives the more advanced witches more freedom and space to practise their spells without having to worry about all the amateurs getting in the way.”

  “Amateurs? That’s a bit unfair on the twins, isn’t it?”

  “I would have thought the twins personified the word ‘amateurs’. Anyway, come on. I want to show you something.”

  “What’s going on over there?” I pointed to the far side of the Range.

  “Where?” She sounded impatient.

  “Over there. It looks like they’re playing sports.”

  “Some witches use sporting activities to practise certain spells. It stops them getting bored. It’s mainly things like the ‘power’ spell, the ‘faster’ spell and other spells which involve physical exertion. See that young witch over there?”

  “The one with the javelin?”

  “Yes. Just watch her throw it.”

  I did. She launched it with such power that it flew the entire length of the Range, landing at the very far side. If she’d been competing in human games, she would have beaten any world record. Then I spotted another young witch.