Witch is How The Dice Fell Read online

  “Give it here.” I couldn’t possibly be any worse than he was.

  I stepped into the hoop, lifted it to waist height, and spun it. “See, that’s how it’s done.” I managed to keep it up for half a dozen spins before it dropped to the floor.

  He took it from me and tried again, with no more success. “This is stupid.” He kicked the hoop across the floor in frustration.

  “You should ask Mrs V to give you lessons.”

  “The day I need the old bag lady’s help with anything is the day I throw myself out of the window.”

  “Didn’t you do that yesterday? How is the Cat Zip business, by the way?”

  “Kick a man when he’s down, why don’t you?”

  ***

  Charlotte Greenmuch had a delightful cottage in Washbridge Heights. The invitation to the W.O.W. gathering had said there would be tea, cakes and lots of sparkling conversation. I was looking forward to the tea and cakes, but not so much the conversation—sparkling or otherwise.

  “Jill.” Charlotte hugged me like a long-lost friend. “I’m so pleased you made it. I wasn’t sure if you’d come after what happened at the HQ.”

  “Thank you for inviting me. This is my first time at one of these gatherings.”

  “Come through and meet everyone.”

  Waiting for us in the lounge were several other witches, some of whom I recognised from my HQ talk. I was quite relieved to find that Belinda Cartwheel wasn’t amongst those present.

  Almost everyone went out of their way to make me feel welcome. There was just one lady who seemed to be doing her best to avoid talking to me. Twice I approached her, and both times she made an excuse to move away.

  After about an hour, Charlotte tapped a spoon against her cup to get everyone’s attention. I assumed she was going to make a speech, but she turned to me.

  “Jill, we’re so pleased that you came here today.”

  “Thank you for inviting me. It’s very nice to meet you all.”

  “The pleasure was all ours, but I have to come clean and tell you that there was another reason why we wanted you to come.”

  “You’re not going to propose I stage a coup against Grandma, are you? I’ve already made my position clear on that.”

  “No, it isn’t that,” Charlotte said. “Quite the opposite in fact. We were all appalled by what Belinda did the other day at our HQ. Your grandmother is an amazing person. We can’t imagine what W.O.W. would be without her as the chairman.”

  “I don’t understand. The impression I got at the HQ was that she had the support of everyone there.”

  “That’s not true.” A witch who had earlier introduced herself as Yasmine Younglove spoke up. “Belinda is a very intimidating individual. The truth is that most of the members are afraid to go against her.”

  “Surely she can’t be more intimidating than my grandmother?”

  “It’s a close-run thing.”

  Charlotte chipped in, “That’s why we wanted this opportunity to let you know our true feelings.”

  “I definitely appreciate you doing that, but there are far fewer people here than there were at HQ. How do the others feel?”

  “I’d say the vast majority still back your grandmother.”

  “That’s reassuring. It makes me feel much better about turning Belinda down.”

  “She wasn’t expecting you to do that. She was sure you’d jump at the chance to oust your grandmother.”

  “She obviously doesn’t know me very well.”

  “Doesn’t she?” It was the woman who had done her best to avoid me all morning. “Are you sure about that?”

  “Sorry, I don’t know your name. We didn’t get a chance to talk.”

  “Not today, maybe. But you had plenty to say when I saw you yesterday.”

  “Sorry?”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  “I don’t. I have no idea.”

  She turned to the others, who were obviously as surprised by her outburst as I was. “Don’t fall for this act. Jill came to see me yesterday, and spent twenty minutes trying to persuade me that I should back her in her attempt to oust her grandmother.”

  “That’s nonsense,” I said. “I’ve never seen you in my life before this morning.”

  “I’m not staying here to listen to these lies.” She started for the door. “And if the rest of you have any sense, you’ll leave too.”

  No one else did, but the atmosphere changed dramatically. Although on the surface everyone continued to be friendly towards me, it was obvious that at least a few of those still present now had their doubts.

  It came as a great relief when Charlotte finally called an end to proceedings.

  “Jill, stay for a moment, would you?”

  I did as she asked, and when everyone had left, I said, “I honestly have no idea what that woman was talking about.”

  “I believe you. Everyone does.”

  “I’m not sure they all did. Who was she, anyway?”

  “Gina Justice. She’s usually one of our more reserved members. I’ve never seen her like that before.”

  “Do you think it would do any good for me to speak to her in private?”

  “I’m not sure it would.”

  I left Charlotte’s house feeling totally confused. Why had Gina Justice been so adamant that I’d spoken to her, and that I’d tried to persuade her to move against Grandma? The only explanation I could come up with was that she’d aligned herself with Belinda Cartwheel, who must have been stung by my rebuttal. Either that or Gina was delusional.

  ***

  I’d just parked my car when I got a call from Bernie Sparks.

  “Hi, Jill. I just wondered if you were making any progress?”

  That wasn’t an easy question for me to answer. The truth was I had a strong lead, but I could hardly tell Bernie because that would have meant trying to convince her that her late husband had been a sup.

  “It’s slow progress so far, I’m afraid. I’ve spoken to Lawrence Lawson and Fred Marlow, but they weren’t able to tell me anything I didn’t already know. I really need to get inside the casino. I’m going to give it a try tonight.”

  “Will you keep me posted, please?”

  “Of course. The moment I have anything to report, I’ll update you.”

  “Hey, Jill!” Deli called from across the road.

  I thought I might get away with a quick wave, but she waited for a gap in the traffic, and hurried over to join me.

  “I saw Betty yesterday,” I said. “She was beside herself with rage. She’s threatening to sue you again. I thought you two had reached an agreement?”

  “It’s all that idiot husband of mine’s fault.”

  “Nails? What did he do this time?”

  “While I was pencilling in Betty’s eyebrow, Nails was putting together a new poster to advertise the spray tanning. The idiot put a permanent marker on my tray of brushes and pencils. I was so busy chatting to Betty that I picked it up by mistake.”

  “But surely you must have realised it wasn’t the eyebrow pencil once you had it in your hand?”

  “Of course I did, but Nails had seen me pick it up and he panicked. He tried to grab my arm and I lost my balance. The next thing I knew, I’d drawn a line across Betty’s forehead.”

  “Oh no.”

  “She went crazy, and I don’t blame her. That marker will take ages to wear off.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. I tried offering free spray tans for a year, but she told me where to shove them. Will you have a word with her, Jill? She might listen to you.”

  “I can try, but she wouldn’t even talk to me yesterday.”

  “Men, they’re useless. The lot of them.”

  Chapter 12

  Back at the office, Mrs V was on the phone. “Are you absolutely sure you didn’t leave it in the car? Have you checked the boot? Alright, we’ll have to sort it out tonight. Okay, bye.” Wi
th the call ended, she sighed. “Men! They’d lose their heads if they were loose.”

  “Was that Armi?”

  “Yes. He’s only gone and lost one of his clown shoes. I ask you, Jill, how do you lose something that big?”

  “Maybe he didn’t lose it.”

  “He just told me that he has.”

  “I don’t doubt that he has one missing, but he may not have lost it.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “On my way into the office this morning, I bumped into a clown on the stairs. He was upset because someone has stolen one of his shoes. He said it had happened to two other clowns too.”

  “That’s terrible. Why would someone go around stealing clown shoes?”

  “And why only one of them?”

  “You should investigate, Jill.”

  “I’m not sure that would be a good use of my time.” I turned to Alistair who was making himself a cup of tea. “What do you think, Alistair?”

  “Sorry, Jill, I was miles away.”

  “Do you think it would be a good use of my time to pursue the case of the missing clown shoes?”

  “With my office manager’s head on, I’d be forced to say no. But with my red nose on, I hate to think of my fellow clowns being deprived of their footwear.”

  “Okay, I’ll see what I can do, but I’m not promising anything.”

  “Jill, just a second.” Mrs V caught me just as I was about to go through to my office. “I had a phone call from Reginald Crowe while you were out. He’s going to pop in later. I told him I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to see him, but he said he’d take his chances.”

  “Okay.”

  Winky was still practising the hula hoop, but he wasn’t getting any better.

  “It’s time to give that up, I think,” I said.

  “Rubbish. I’m improving with every attempt.”

  “At this rate, you’ll soon be able to keep it going for ten seconds.”

  “It’s precisely that defeatist attitude that has held you back all of these years.”

  “What are you talking about? I’ve always had a can-do attitude.”

  “I can eat custard creams, and I can eat muffins, doesn’t really count.”

  “I’ll ignore that remark. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about some missing clown shoes, would you? It seems someone is stealing them.”

  “Have you checked the online auction websites? I imagine they’d fetch a pretty penny.”

  “Whoever is behind this can’t be trying to sell them because they’re only taking one shoe from each pair.”

  “That’s kind of weird.”

  “I promised Mrs V and Alistair that I’d investigate.”

  “That sounds like a good use of your time. I thought doliphant boy had come here to improve your productivity?”

  “He has.”

  “And yet, he’s just suggested you devote time and energy to finding a few clown shoes. Will anyone be paying you to do that?”

  “Well, no, I don’t suppose—”

  “I rest my case.”

  ***

  Reggie’s hair was even more unruly than usual, and I couldn’t help but notice that it was now more grey than black. Had that happened recently or had I simply not noticed until today?

  “Hi, Jill. I hoped I’d catch you. I have the contact details for the school governors that you asked me to find.”

  “You needn’t have made a special trip just to bring me those. You could have phoned. Or are you here for Jenga day again?”

  “Not this time.” His grin revealed a missing tooth, which I hadn’t noticed before. He must have realised that I’d seen it because he touched a finger to the gap. “I have to get that fixed.”

  “What happened?”

  “Someone must have heard I’d been enquiring about the school governors, and sent some thugs around to warn me off.”

  “Who were they?”

  “There were two of them—werewolves—big guys. They didn’t take kindly to my telling them to sling their hook.”

  “Are you okay? Apart from the tooth, I mean?”

  “A few bruises. Nothing serious.”

  “I’m sorry I put you in that position, Reggie.”

  “Don’t give it a second thought. I’m a little worried about you, though. If they’re that upset at my asking questions, they’re going to be livid when you talk to the governors. Why don’t you let me come with you?”

  “That won’t be necessary. I can handle myself.”

  “So I hear. Actually, the reason I came over in person is because I’m job hunting.”

  “Here in the human world?”

  “Yeah. I figured if I was going to make a new start, I might as well go the whole hog.”

  “Do you know anyone over here?”

  “I know you.” He smiled, a little more self-conscious now. “A few other people too, but I haven’t seen any of them for years.”

  “What sort of work are you looking for?”

  “Anything really. I can turn my hand to most things.”

  “My brother-in-law has a landscape gardening business. He’s set on a few people recently. I could put a word in with him if you like.”

  “That would be great. Thanks, Jill.”

  I really liked Reggie. Hopefully, Peter would have a job for him. As for the governors, something told me I was onto something there. Why else would someone have felt the need to try to put the frighteners on Reggie?

  ***

  I wanted to speak with the churchwarden at Candlefield cemetery. Grandma had suggested that they might be able to throw some light on who was buried there.

  The church’s noticeboard confirmed the warden’s name was Albert Cruikshank. His address was church cottage, which turned out to be only a hundred yards from the church itself.

  Ivy had almost totally swallowed the tiny building. The only gaps in the foliage were where it had been cut away from the door and windows.

  I hadn’t called ahead, so I had no idea if I’d even find him at home, but I was in luck.

  “Yes, young lady?” The man was wearing a nightshirt, and judging by his tired eyes, he must have been asleep when I knocked at the door.

  “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

  “That’s okay. I’m not normally in bed at this time of day. I seem to have picked up an awful cold.” As if on cue, he sneezed. “And I can’t seem to shake it. Are you here on church business?”

  “Kind of, I suppose.”

  “Could it possibly wait a couple of days?” He sneezed again.

  “It’s just a quick question, really. There’s a grave in The Shadows section of the graveyard that has a blank headstone. I wondered if you might have any idea who it belongs to?”

  “I’m very sorry.” He blew his nose. “I’ve only recently taken over as churchwarden. The previous incumbent passed away six months ago. You could always try Rufus. He might know.”

  “Who’s he?”

  “Rufus Alldig. He’s the gravedigger and has been for some time. If anyone would know, it would be him.”

  “Do you know where I might find him?”

  “He lives near Candlefield Park. I’m afraid I don’t have his address handy.”

  “That’s okay; I’ll find it. Thanks very much for your help. I hope you feel better soon.”

  He sneezed a goodbye.

  I had no idea how long it would take me to find Rufus Alldig’s house, but I needn’t have worried because, when I reached the park, the first person I asked was able to give me directions.

  The narrow terraced house looked out over the park.

  “I’m sorry, we never buy at the door.” The witch was a similar age to Aunt Lucy.

  “I’m not selling anything.”

  “They all say that, dear.” She began to close the door in my face.

  “Honestly, I’m not selling anything. My name is Jill Maxwell.”

  “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

  “It’s
possible.”

  “Didn’t you win the Candlefield darts competition?”

  “Err, no, that wasn’t me.”

  “Are you sure? You look just like her.”

  “It definitely wasn’t me. Actually, I was hoping to speak to Mr Alldig. Are you Mrs Alldig?”

  “I am. I’m Alice. What did you say your name was again?”

  “Jill Maxwell.”

  “You’d better come in. Rufus is just re-lacing his boots.” She led the way to the small kitchen at the back of the house. “Rufus, this young lady would like a word with you. Don’t you think she looks like the witch who won the Candlefield darts competition last year?”

  “She looks nothing like her.” He was surrounded by a pile of boots, all minus their laces. “The witch who won the darts had a crooked nose.”

  Alice gave me another quick glance. “I still say she’s the spitting image of her. Can I get you a drink, Jill?”

  “No, thanks. I can’t stay long.”

  “I’ll leave you two to it, then.”

  “Sorry about Alice.” Rufus put one boot down and picked up another one. “She never was very good with faces.”

  “You have a lot of boots.”

  “One pair for each day of the week. These are Monday’s.”

  They all looked identical to me, and I was tempted to ask how he could tell them apart, but I thought better of it.

  “New laces?”

  “No. I like to wash the laces once a week. My old mum always used to say that you could tell a lot about a man by his laces.”

  “Right.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t come here to discuss my boots.”

  “Err, no. Albert Cruikshank gave me your name.”

  “How is he?”

  “Still made up with cold.”

  “He doesn’t eat enough greens. I’ve told him.”

  “Right. Anyway, he said you might be able to identify one of the graves in The Shadows.”

  “I try not to spend any more time in The Shadows than I have to. It gives me the creeps.”

  That seemed a strange comment coming from a gravedigger, but I pressed on regardless. “There’s one headstone which is unmarked. I wondered if you knew whose grave it was?”