Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39) Read online

  “I think we should take another look at the old bird who owns the hotel,” Big Mac said.

  “I agree, sir. She’s got a terrible attitude. Maybe she lost her temper and lashed out.”

  “If we don’t come up with any other leads soon, we’ll bring that old witch back in for questioning.”

  ***

  Mrs V had drawn a blank in her attempts to arrange for me to visit any of the businesses who had cancelled their lookalike bookings with Double Take. If I wanted to talk to them, I was going to have to take the direct approach.

  I have never really understood the game of squash. In most racquet games, you face your opponent across a net, which is how it should be. That way, you get to see the whites of their eyes as you do battle. In squash, though, you’re either standing in front of or behind your opponent. It has always struck me as a dangerous game because if you’re not careful, you could get hit on the back of the head with a ball or even with the other player’s racquet. Worst of all, whenever I’ve watched a game of squash, the players are always so sweaty.

  I mention this only because I was on my way to Wash Squash, the only squash club in Washbridge. There used to be squash courts at the Lilac Leisure Centre, but they closed some years ago. Wash Squash had booked Leroy Dulce, one of Double Take’s top lookies, for their twenty-fifth anniversary celebration. Then, only a few days before the event, they’d cancelled the booking without any explanation.

  There seemed to be little point in turning up at reception and asking about the lookalike cancellation because I’d no doubt be given the brush-off like Mrs V had. I would have to take a more subtle approach.

  What do you mean, I don’t know the meaning of the word subtle? I’ll have you know that subtle is my middle name.

  The young man behind the reception desk was wearing a white tennis shirt and blue shorts. “Hi, do you have a court reserved?”

  “Actually, no. I’m new to the area, and I was just wondering whether you’re accepting new members at the moment.”

  “Yes, we are. Would you like me to get the paperwork for you?”

  “Would it be okay if I take a look around before I make up my mind?”

  “Of course. I’ll try and get someone to give you the tour.”

  “Actually, I’d prefer to look around by myself if that’s alright.”

  “That’s fine. If you have any questions, please pop back here and I’ll do my best to answer them for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Would you mind if I took your name?”

  “Sure. It’s Jill Subtle Maxwell.”

  I followed the signs to the viewing gallery, from where I was able to look down onto the five squash courts. I’d clearly picked a quiet time because only one of the courts was in use. Two middle-aged men, both with beer bellies, were chasing around whilst sweating profusely. The taller of the two reached for a shot, missed it, and sprawled head-first across the court. I’d seen more than enough, so I went downstairs to the coffee shop, which was also very quiet. The young man behind the counter, who was also wearing white tennis shirt and blue shorts, looked bored.

  “Hi. What can I get for you?”

  “Can I get a caramel latte, please?”

  “Sure. Coming right up.”

  I sat on a stool at the counter while I drank my coffee. “Have you worked here long?”

  “A couple of years now. Are you a member? I don’t think I’ve seen you in here before.”

  “No, I’m just looking around to decide whether or not to join.”

  “The facilities are very good. I take it you’ve seen the courts.”

  “Yes. There’s only one in use at the moment.”

  “It gets busier around lunch time. Do you play?”

  “Yes, at quite a high level, actually.”

  “Really?”

  “Oh yes. I’ve won a few tournaments. Only local competitions, you understand. Down south, before we moved up here.”

  “We hold regular competitions. You’ll be able to join those if you sign up as a member.”

  “I read somewhere that it was recently your twenty-fifth anniversary.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Did you do anything special?”

  “We had a disco for the members. We also hired a celebrity lookalike.”

  “It’s strange you should say that because my husband recently booked someone from the Double Take agency. Did you use them?”

  “The manager made all the arrangements, but from what I understand, they booked someone from Double Take originally, but then they changed to another agency.”

  “Any idea why?”

  “I was told the other agency offered to provide any lookalike at half the price of Double Take.”

  “Really? I don’t suppose you know the name of the other agency, do you?”

  “I don’t, but my manager will. Wait there and I’ll see if I can find him.”

  A few minutes later, a man in his sixties, red in the face, came storming into the room, trailed by the young man.

  “Are you the one who’s been asking about Double Take?”

  “Yes. I was just wondering if—”

  “You rang yesterday, didn’t you?”

  “I—err—”

  “I thought as much. I’ve already told you that we have nothing to say on that subject. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

  “Can’t you at least tell me the name of the agency you used instead of Double Take?”

  “That’s none of your business. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like you to leave.”

  Chapter 14

  My visit to Wash Squash had been a total waste of time. I couldn’t understand why the manager had refused point blank to discuss his decision to cancel the Double Take booking. There was definitely more to this than met the eye.

  Another business which had cancelled its booking with Double Take was a women’s clothes shop called Young and Stylish (which if you think about it, describes me to a tee). As it was only a ten-minute walk from the squash club, I decided to try my luck there. The only person in the shop was the young woman behind the counter.

  “Good morning. Is there anything in particular you’re looking for today?”

  “No, thanks. I’m just browsing. I didn’t realise this shop was here. Is it new?”

  “Yes, we’ve only been open for a few weeks.”

  “I guess I missed out on all the opening day offers, then?”

  “I’m afraid so, but there are still plenty of bargains to be had.”

  “Were you busy on opening day?”

  “Very, but I think some of that was down to the lookalike we booked. She was very popular.”

  “It’s funny you should say that because my husband is opening his new shop soon, and he’s been talking about hiring a lookalike to generate publicity, but I thought it sounded like a naff idea.”

  “Not if you get the right lookalike. We had Ruby Red, and like I said, she was very popular.”

  “That just shows what I know. I don’t suppose you remember the name of the company you hired the lookalike from, do you? I could let my husband know.”

  Before she could answer, another woman came through from the back. “Excuse me. I couldn’t help but overhear you talking to my assistant. I’m the owner. Can I help you?”

  “I was just asking her who you booked your lookalike from?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  “As I told your assistant, my husband is opening a shop soon, and he’s thinking of hiring a lookalike for the launch day.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember who it was.”

  “Might you still have the paperwork?”

  “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t keep it.”

  “Right. Okay, thanks anyway.”

  This was getting weird. Why was no one willing to discuss their reasons for cancelling with Double Take, or to tell me which agency they’d used instead? I needed to take a different approach.
Luckily, I had a super-cunning plan, so I called Kathy.

  “It’s me.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re going to cry off Friday’s launch, Jill.”

  “No, I’ll definitely be there. I’m looking forward to it.”

  “What do you want?”

  “What makes you think I want something?”

  “Because you’re being nice. That’s always a sure sign.”

  “Actually, I was hoping you might do me a teeny, tiny favour.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I need you to book a lookalike to appear at your shop on opening day.”

  “A lookalike? Aren’t they a bit naff?”

  “Definitely not. In fact, they’re considered very cool right now.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says everyone. Plus, you’d really be helping me out.”

  “How so?”

  “I’ve been hired by the Double Take agency. They’ve had a ridiculous number of cancellations. No sooner do they take a booking than it’s cancelled.”

  “How come?”

  “That’s the sixty-three-thousand-dollar question.”

  “Sixty-four.”

  “What?”

  “It’s the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question. Not sixty-three.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says everyone except you, apparently.”

  “The owner of the agency is convinced someone is deliberately sabotaging them. I’m trying to find out who. I had Mrs V call everyone who cancelled a booking, but no one is willing to talk to me. I’ve even tried calling in at a couple of the places that cancelled, but they refused to discuss it. There’s definitely something fishy going on. I thought if you made a booking with Double Take, we might find out what’s happening.”

  “I don’t mind doing it, as long as you’re going to pay for the lookalike.”

  “No problem. I can charge it to Double Take when I present them with my bill.”

  “I suppose a lookalike might generate a bit of interest. Which ones do they have?”

  “I know they have Leroy Dulce and Ruby Red.”

  “Leroy Dulce? That might work. I’m a big fan.”

  “You’ve heard of him?”

  “Of course I have.”

  “Right, so give them a call, and if Leroy is already booked, I’m sure they’ll be able to set you up with someone else.”

  “Okay. By the way, Jill, you didn’t let me know how the interview for your new PI went. Did you offer him the job?”

  “No, I didn’t. It was a total cat—astrophe.”

  “The search goes on, then?”

  “No. I’m not going to bother. I work better alone.”

  “You’re probably right. What with you being a total control freak.”

  Sheesh!

  I’d no sooner finished on the call to Kathy than my phone rang.

  “Jill, it’s Yvonne. I called to let you know that Roy and I went to see the Haunting Society this morning.”

  “That was quick. How did it go?”

  “Really well. It was all very straightforward. They took our details, checked them against their database, and then issued us with a licence.”

  “That’s fantastic. What happens now?”

  “We have to find somewhere that we’d like to haunt. You mentioned Tweaking Manor?”

  “Yeah. It’s definitely worth checking out. It could be ideal for you.”

  “We’ll do that. In fact, we’ll probably go over there this weekend.”

  “What about Jack? Now you’ve got your licence, don’t you think you ought to tell him?”

  “Can you talk to him first? Then, once we know where we’re going to be haunting, we’ll come over and have a proper chat with him.”

  “Sure.”

  ***

  I was desperate for a cup of coffee and a cupcake, so I magicked myself over to Cuppy C.

  “If it isn’t the horsewoman of the year.” Pearl laughed.

  “Giddy up, donkey!” Amber shouted.

  “I suppose you two think you’re funny. Just because I got the disobedient donkey, doesn’t make me a poor horsewoman.”

  “What’s all this about?” Daze said.

  I hadn’t noticed her and Blaze sitting at the table to one side of the counter.

  “Take no notice of these two,” I said. “They’re talking nonsense as usual.”

  “I’ll tell you what happened, Daze.” Amber jumped in. “We went on the donkeys at Candle Sands on Sunday—the three of us and the kids. We all rode them up and down the beach. Except for Jill, that is. Her donkey didn’t turn around; it just kept on going and going. In fact, if it hadn’t got tired and decided to stop, she’d probably still be riding it now.”

  The twins once again dissolved into laughter.

  “Hilarious, I don’t think.” I turned to Pearl. “Can I get a caramel latte and a cupcake, please?”

  “Which flavour cupcake do you want?”

  “I’ll have a lemon one for a change. Can you bring it over, please? I’m going to have a chat with Daze and Blaze.”

  “Okay, but make sure to stop when you reach the table.” She laughed. “Don’t keep on walking.”

  “Ha, ha. You crack me up.”

  I took a seat next to Daze. “I’m glad I’ve bumped into you two because I’m being followed by a squirrel.”

  Now it was Daze and Blaze’s turn to laugh at me.

  “Sorry, Jill, but you do sound a little crazy,” Daze managed eventually.

  “You can laugh, but for the last few days, the same squirrel has turned up wherever I go.”

  “How do you know it’s the same one?” Daze said.

  “I just do. I saw it in the village and then again in my back garden.”

  “That doesn’t sound all that extraordinary.”

  “I know, but the other day, it was across the road from my office building.”

  “Are you sure?” Blaze said. “Could it have been a small dog?”

  “I’m positive. You haven’t heard the best yet. This morning, when I walked into the office building, it was looking down at me from the top of the stairs.”

  “Did you confront him?”

  “I didn’t get the chance because a dog came into the building and ran up the stairs after it. By the time I got up there, the squirrel had disappeared.”

  “That is weird.”

  “Tell me about it. I’ve started to wonder if it might be one of those shapeshifters who were farming acorns for A-juice?”

  “I highly doubt it. They’re all behind bars.”

  “There goes that theory, then. Maybe it’s just this one squirrel that has gone nuts.”

  I’d just taken a bite of cupcake when my phone rang.

  “Hi, Aunt Lucy.” I managed to say through a mouthful of cake.

  “Jill? Is that you? You sound strange.”

  “Yes, it’s me. You caught me mid-cupcake.”

  “Grandma is here with me. Can you come over?”

  “Yes, I’ll be right there.”

  I shoved the rest of the cupcake into my mouth and washed it down with coffee.

  “Sorry, everyone, I have to go.”

  Aunt Lucy and Grandma were seated at the dining table.

  “Lucy tells me you’re in need of some parenting advice,” Grandma said.

  “That’s not what I said at all, Mother.” Aunt Lucy shot her a look.

  “So why am I here?” Grandma sighed.

  “I wanted to talk to you and Aunt Lucy about Florence’s magic—err—education. If you recall, my original plan was to take it slowly and teach her a small number of spells, and then wait until she was older before teaching her any more. But then you, Grandma, persuaded me that I should allow her to learn more spells now.”

  “And have you?”

  “Yes, I’ve gradually increased the number of spells I’ve taught her.”

  “Good. So, what’s the problem?”

  “The problem is that Florence has been
teaching herself more magic without my knowledge.”

  “Good for her.” Grandma burst out laughing. “She’s a chip off the old block.”

  “It’s not funny, Grandma. Florence went behind my back. She shouldn’t have done it.”

  “Why not? She’s a witch, isn’t she? Witches are supposed to learn magic.”

  “Yes, but I should be the one to teach her, so that I can control which spells she learns.”

  “Nonsense. She has every right to learn any spell which takes her fancy.”

  “Not at five years old, she doesn’t.”

  Suddenly, Aunt Lucy thumped the table, making both Grandma and me jump. “That’s enough, you two.” This wasn’t like Aunt Lucy at all. Normally, she was so reserved and quietly spoken. I wasn’t sure who was most shocked, me or Grandma. We both sat back and waited for her to continue. “You’re both missing the point. You’re assuming that this problem is about magic, but it isn’t. It’s about child psychology.”

  “What are you talking about?” Grandma said.

  “If you understood anything about raising children, you’d know that whenever you tell a child they can’t have something, or that they can’t do something, they’ll want it all the more. The more you try to restrict Florence’s access to magic, the more she’ll want to do it.”

  “What are you suggesting, exactly?” I said.

  “That if you allow her unrestricted access, she’ll soon get bored.”

  “But there are some dangerous spells in that book, Aunt Lucy.”

  “You’ll still have to keep an eye on her, obviously, but I think you’ll find that the novelty will soon wear off. It wouldn’t surprise me if, after a short time, you have to twist her arm to learn more spells.”

  “That all sounds like psychobabble to me,” Grandma said.

  Aunt Lucy turned on her. “And do you have any better ideas, Mother?”

  “Well, I—err—think Florence should be able to learn magic whenever she wants.”

  “Isn’t that precisely what I’ve just advocated?”

  “Err, I suppose so.”

  “So, you agree?”

  Grandma nodded.

  I was gobsmacked. I’d never known her back down like that before.

  “What about you, Jill?” Aunt Lucy said. “What do you think?”