Whoops! All The Money Went Missing (A Susan Hall Mystery Book 2) Read online

“What is it?”

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed. Did you think I might say no?”

  “To what?”

  “Going out with you, of course. I’d love to.”

  “With me? Right. Could I see that?”

  She handed the note to him.

  “I wouldn’t have had you down for a glittery pen kind of a guy.” Amelia giggled.

  He glanced at the glittery script, and could feel his cheeks getting redder and redder.

  “When would you like to go out?” she asked.

  “Whenever suits you.”

  “I’m not doing anything on Saturday.”

  “I’m playing rugby in the afternoon, but the evening would be okay.”

  “Great. I’ll drop by on Friday to sort out the details.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and then hurried upstairs to her apartment.

  Pretty had finished eating, so Charlie took her downstairs and put her outside. Then, he hurried back up to the apartment, and stomped across the room to his bedroom.

  “Greta! Bunty! I want a word with you two!” He looked through the magnifying glass.

  When Greta came out of her front door, she was holding a piece of embroidery. Bunty appeared a moment later, with curlers in her hair.

  “What’s this?” He waved the letter at the magnifying glass.

  “Is it another paper aeroplane?” Bunty said.

  “No it isn’t! You know very well what it is. What were you playing at?”

  “You were never going to make the first move,” Bunty said. “So, we decided to do it for you.”

  “You shouldn’t have sent it.”

  “Did it work?” Bunty asked. “Is she going to go out with you?”

  “Yes. On Saturday.”

  “In that case, you should be thanking us.”

  ***

  Neil was in his small office at the back of the shop. Debs was holding the fort out front, and muttering to herself under her breath. “I suppose he’s busy managing again.”

  Just then, the door opened, and a pretty young female human walked in. Debs took one look at her long blonde hair, and shapely legs, and took an immediate dislike to her.

  “Hi.” Debs forced a smile. “Can I help? Are you looking for anything in particular?”

  “Actually, I’m here about the job. I saw the ad in the paper.”

  Debs and Neil had discussed the new recruit, and had decided that they didn’t want a human because it would make life too difficult.

  “I’m very sorry,” Debs said, even though she wasn’t the least bit sorry really. “The position has already been filled.”

  “Hold on!” Neil shouted, as he came marching towards the counter. “You probably didn’t know this, Debs, but the person I offered the job to has had a change of heart. The vacancy is still open.”

  Debs glared at Neil, but he was too busy ogling the blonde to notice.

  “My name is Neil. I’m the manager. Why don’t you go through to my office, and take a seat? I’ll be with you in a couple of minutes. What’s your name?”

  “Fable.”

  Out of the corner of his eye, Neil saw Debs pretending to gag on her fingers.

  “What a lovely name,” he said. “I won’t be long.”

  “What are you playing at?” Debs said, as soon as the blonde was in his office. “We said strictly no humans.”

  “Maybe that was a rash decision. Our new flatmate, Susan, has made me realise that humans aren’t so bad after all.”

  “You’re such a liar!” Debs spat the words. “It’s because she’s a leggy blonde, isn’t it?”

  “Is she? I hadn’t noticed.”

  “And what sort of name is Fable?”

  “I kind of like it.”

  Chapter 4

  Susan was the next to arrive home. Charlie was sitting at the breakfast bar, and as soon as he saw her, he quickly folded up the ‘glittery’ note that Amelia had given him, and pushed it into his trouser pocket.

  “Another paper aeroplane, Charlie?” Susan said.

  “No. This is—err—” He looked more than a little flustered. “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s okay.” Susan smiled. “I’m only joking. I know you weren’t the one who destroyed my rota.”

  “You do?”

  “Yes. It didn’t take a genius to work out who did it. It’s all cool, though. I realise I was being a bit full-on, but we will have to do something about this place.” She glanced around. “Just look at the state of it.”

  “You’re right.” Charlie nodded. “Maybe we should have another one of those meetings. What did you call them? FM’s?”

  “Yeah, flatmates’ meeting. How would you feel about suggesting it, Charlie?”

  “Me?”

  “It would be better coming from you. You know how Dorothy feels about me.”

  Just then, they were both distracted by a knock at the door.

  “I’ll get it,” Susan offered.

  On the landing, there were two men holding a large box.

  “Where would you like this, love?” One of the men passed her the delivery note.

  Susan quickly scanned the paperwork, and realised the delivery was for Dorothy. “Just drop it over there would you, please?” She pointed to the lounge area.

  After Susan had signed for it, the men went on their way.

  “Did our fridge break?” she asked Charlie.

  “No. It was okay earlier when I gave Pretty some milk.” Charlie realised what he had said. “You won’t tell Dorothy about Pretty, will you?”

  “Of course not. But if the fridge is working, why has Dorothy ordered another one?”

  That’s when the penny dropped for Charlie. He realised that the fridge must be for Dorothy’s synthetic blood.

  “It’s a mini fridge.” He glanced at the delivery note. “It must be for her bedroom.”

  Susan looked rather confused. “Why does she need a fridge in her bedroom?”

  “I—err—I—” Charlie had no idea how to respond.

  “She put a fair amount of drink away when we had our night out,” Susan said. “But I never realised the problem was so bad.”

  “Her drink problem? I wouldn’t worry about that.” Charlie laughed, mainly out of relief that Susan hadn’t cottoned onto the synthetic blood.

  “It’s not a laughing matter, Charlie. Do you think she needs help?”

  “Does who need help?” Neil appeared in the doorway. Neither Susan nor Charlie had heard him come in.

  “Well?” Neil joined them at the breakfast bar. “Does who need help?”

  “Susan was just asking about Dorothy’s drink problem.”

  Neil laughed. “Since when did Dorothy have a drink problem?”

  “A mini fridge just arrived for her.” Susan pointed at the box. “Why else would she want a fridge in her room?”

  Neil realised that the fridge was for Dorothy’s synthetic blood, and was still trying to figure out how to handle the situation when Dorothy walked in.

  “Why are you all staring at me?” She glanced at each of her flatmates. “What’s the matter with you three?” Then she spotted the box in the lounge area. “That was quick. I wasn’t expecting them to deliver that until later this evening.”

  “It’s a fridge,” Susan said.

  “There’s nothing wrong with your powers of observation, I see.” Dorothy walked over to the box. “Charlie, Neil, would you carry it through to my bedroom?”

  Charlie didn’t need Neil’s help to carry the fridge. Once the three of them were in Dorothy’s bedroom, she closed the door

  “Susan thinks you’re a lush.” Neil laughed.

  “What? Why?”

  “She can’t understand why you need your own fridge,” Charlie said. “The only reason she could come up with was that you must have a drink problem.”

  “And Charlie went along with it.” Neil grinned.

  “Charlie?” Dorothy glared at him. “Why would you do that?”

  �
��Sorry. I just panicked. I didn’t know what else to say.”

  “Great. So now she thinks I’m an alcoholic.”

  ***

  The four flatmates were eating. Charlie and Neil were sharing a pizza—one quarter for Neil; three-quarters for Charlie. Dorothy had a pot noodle. Susan had made herself beans on toast. Haute cuisine all around.

  “It would be nice if we had a dining table so we could all sit together when we eat,” Susan said. “It’s not like we don’t have enough room for one.”

  “Are you volunteering to buy it?” Dorothy dropped a noodle onto the breakfast bar.

  “I thought we could share the cost,” Susan suggested.

  “We don’t earn your kind of money.” Dorothy picked up the stray noodle with her fingers, and dropped it into her mouth.

  “We could probably pick up something cheap from a charity shop.”

  At that moment, the door flew open, and in walked their landlord, Redman.

  Instinctively, the four flatmates sat to attention.

  “You might have knocked,” Dorothy said.

  Charlie and Neil looked at her as though she’d lost her mind.

  “Oh? Sorry.” Redman turned back to the open door, and knocked on it three times. “Is that better?”

  “Just saying.” Dorothy shrugged.

  “The rent isn’t due yet.” Neil’s voice sounded shaky.

  “I’m not here for the rent. I was just passing, and I thought I’d look in to see if there’d been an improvement in the general tidiness and cleanliness of my property.” He looked purposely around the room. “I see there hasn’t. In fact, if anything, it’s even worse than the last time I was here, and I wouldn’t have thought that was possible.” His gaze settled on Susan. “I’m very disappointed in you. I thought that you might be a good influence on these three reprobates, but it seems that you’re just as bad as they are.”

  Susan was about to object, but then thought better of it. She doubted that Redman would be in any mood to hear of her thwarted plans to introduce a housework rota.

  “This is simply not acceptable.” Redman ran his finger along the dusty window sill. “Not good enough at all. Take this as your final warning. The next time I come here, I expect to see a dramatic improvement. If I don’t, you’ll be looking for new accommodation. All four of you. Understand?”

  They all nodded.

  “When will you be coming back?” Neil asked.

  “That would be telling.”

  With that, Redman left, slamming the door behind him.

  “You didn’t deserve that, Susan,” Charlie said. “Not after all the trouble you went to, to draw up a rota.”

  “You mean the one that someone turned into a paper aeroplane?” Susan looked at Dorothy.

  “Would you draw up another one?” Neil said.

  “Not unless everyone signs up to it first.” Susan was still looking at Dorothy. “And I mean everyone.”

  Neil and Charlie both turned to Dorothy.

  “Why is everyone looking at me?” she said.

  “Because you were the one who was most against the idea last time,” Susan said. “I’m not doing another rota just for you to ignore it. Are you in or are you out?”

  “If I’m in, can I be orange this time?”

  “Yes, you can be orange.”

  “Okay, I’m in. But you two had better do your share.” She pointed an accusing finger first at Neil and then at Charlie. “If you don’t, there’ll be trouble. Big time.”

  “It’s agreed, then.” Susan stood up. “I’ll draw up another rota over the next few days, and we’ll start to work to it from next Monday.”

  “That woman is so bossy,” Dorothy said, as soon as Susan had disappeared into her bedroom. “She does my head in.”

  “She’s not bossy.” Charlie came to Susan’s defence. “She’s trying to help. We should have gone along with her rota the first time, then we wouldn’t have to worry about Redman throwing us out.”

  “Have you got the hots for her, Charlie?” Dorothy teased.

  “No.” He blushed. “Of course I haven’t.”

  “He only has eyes for Amelia.” Neil added his plate to the pile of pots waiting to be washed. “Not that he’ll ever do anything about it.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” Charlie said. “As it happens, I’m taking her out on Saturday.”

  Neil and Dorothy stared at him, open-mouthed.

  “What?” Charlie felt uncomfortable under their gaze.

  “Are you being serious?” Neil took a seat next to Charlie.

  “You? Going on a date?” Dorothy couldn’t have sounded any more incredulous.

  “Yes. Why not?”

  “How did that happen?” Dorothy said.

  “Amelia must have asked him out.” Neil grinned.

  “No, she didn’t. I asked her.” Charlie had no intention of telling them about the fairies’ letter. Neil and Dorothy would have mocked him mercilessly.

  “Are you sure this wasn’t something you dreamed?” Neil said.

  “Leave him alone, Neil.” Dorothy scolded. “I’m proud of you, Charlie. It’s about time. Where are you going to take her?”

  “I’m not sure. It can’t be anywhere too expensive. I’m pretty much broke.”

  “That greasy spoon on the corner does a nice all day breakfast,” Neil said.

  “I’m not taking her to a greasy spoon. I thought maybe the movies.”

  “The back row, I hope?” Neil grinned.

  “Give me a break.” Dorothy rolled her eyes. “The best advice I can give you, Charlie, is don’t take any advice from Neil.”

  “But he should take it from you, I suppose?” Neil laughed. “You haven’t had a single date since you moved to the human world.”

  “Enough, guys!” Charlie stood up. “I don’t need advice from either of you, thanks. I’ll be fine.”

  They were brave words, but not a true reflection on how he really felt. Once in his bedroom, he sat at the desk.

  “I don’t think I can do this,” he said to himself.

  “What’s wrong, Charlie?” Greta had been doing her ironing, but came out to see what the problem was.

  “It’s my date with Amelia. I don’t think I can go through with it.”

  “Don’t be so soft!” Bunty had a TV remote in her hand. “You like her, don’t you?”

  “Err—yes, but—”

  “But nothing. You can’t back out now.”

  “What if I make a fool of myself?”

  “What are you planning on doing?” Bunty said. “Wearing a clown costume?”

  “I’m just not sure what to do. Should I hold her hand? Or kiss her?”

  “Heaven help us!” Bunty sighed. “I don’t think you need worry about any of that. Amelia doesn’t strike me as a shrinking violet. She looks like the type of girl who knows how to make the magic happen.”

  “Bunty!” Greta shot her friend a disapproving look. “This will be their first date.”

  “So what? No point in hanging around.”

  “Take no notice of Bunty, Charlie. Amelia seems like a really nice girl.”

  “Yeah, right.” Bunty scoffed.

  “What should I wear?” Charlie said.

  “Something that’s easy to take off.” Bunty grinned.

  “Bunty! That’s enough!” Greta yelled.

  Charlie left the two fairies arguing with one another. He was being stupid—this was only a date after all. Amelia was gorgeous, and he knew he should be excited, but he was so nervous. Why couldn’t he be more like Neil, who never had a moment’s self-doubt?

  ***

  Neil was in his bedroom.

  “Socky? Are you there?”

  “What have I told you about calling me by that ridiculous name?” The ghost appeared next to the window. “It’s Tobias, Mr Fotheringham or ‘Sir’, to you.”

  “Sorry, Tobias. Look, I’ve been thinking about what you said this morning. About the gold. Were you joking?”


  “Tobias Fotheringham does not joke about matters pecuniary.”

  “About what?”

  “Money, my dear boy. Whatever happened to the English language?”

  “So, where is it? The gold?”

  “As I said before, it’s hidden in the walls.”

  “But where, exactly? This is a big building. Can you remember?”

  “Of course I can remember. I lost my leg—not half of my brain.”

  “So, where is it?”

  “All in good time. First, we need to come to some kind of arrangement.”

  “I thought we could split it fifty-fifty.”

  “I imagine you did. Ninety per cent for me and ten for you would be more appropriate.”

  “Come on, Tobias. How about sixty-forty?”

  “Eighty-twenty, and that’s my final offer.”

  “Okay, but what will you do with your share, anyway? I mean, you’re—err—that’s to say—err—you’re—”

  “I’m what?”

  “Not to put too fine a point on it—you’re dead.”

  “That may be, but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying a good malt or a fine cigar.”

  “I didn’t realise you could do that.”

  “Not all pleasures and vices are reserved for the living, you know.”

  “So, you’ll want me to buy whisky and cigars with your share? Where will you keep it all?”

  “I won’t be purchasing it all at once. The gold will fetch a pretty penny. I will need you to keep my share of the money somewhere secure, and then purchase whisky and cigars as and when I need them.”

  “Shall I open a bank account for you?”

  “Certainly not. I wouldn’t trust one of those institutions with my money. You will have to have a safe installed in here to keep it secure.”

  “In here? In my bedroom?”

  “I’ve told you many times before. This is my office. A wall safe should suffice.”

  “How would I explain that to the other flatmates?”

  “Not my problem, dear boy. But if you want to know where the gold is, I’ll need to see the safe first.”

  Chapter 5

  The alarm jolted Dorothy awake the next morning.

  “Huh?” She stared, bleary-eyed, at the clock. Six o’ clock? She never got up at six. She was just about to roll over, and go back to sleep when she remembered she’d deliberately set the alarm an hour early. Dragging herself out of bed, she reflected that it was all that human’s fault that she had to get up at stupid o’ clock. She needed to retrieve her blood from Tilly’s fridge, and she had to do it before Susan was up and about.