Witch is How The Dice Fell Read online

  “It’s only fair, isn’t it?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “Off you pop, then. I have cream to develop.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I started for the door, but then hesitated. “Do the ladies of W.O.W. go in for a lot of informal gatherings?”

  “A few, but it’s a while since I went to one.”

  “Right. Okay, thanks again.”

  Julie gave me a wave on my way out. She was still looking resplendent in yellow.

  Based on what Grandma had just told me, I could only conclude that she hadn’t been invited to either of the two W.O.W. gatherings. I’d considered mentioning them to her, but I didn’t want to cause friction unnecessarily.

  ***

  When I arrived home, Britt was out front, watering her flowers. Lovely, meanwhile, was using the new tree as a scratching post.

  “Stop that!” Britt tried to shoo the cat away from the tree, but Lovely ignored her, and continued her assault.

  “Hi, Britt,” I said.

  “Hi there, err—”

  “Jill.”

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with Lovely. She’s usually so well behaved.”

  “Cats can be testing at times. I can certainly vouch for that.”

  “She seems to have gone off her food too. I wonder if it’s because she’s missing that cat of yours. Wonky.”

  “It’s Winky, and I wouldn’t think it’s that. It’s more likely to be the upset of moving to a new house. It can be quite traumatic for a cat.”

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  Just then, a phone rang inside Britt’s house. “Sorry, err—” She hurried to the door. “I’d better go and get that.”

  “Okay. See you.”

  Before I could go inside, Lovely came hurrying over to me. “Hey, Jill!”

  How come the cat could remember my name, but her owner couldn’t?

  “If you’re going to ask about Winky, I—”

  “It’s not that. He had his chance and blew it. I was going to ask you a small favour.”

  I glanced around quickly to make sure none of the other neighbours were around. “What kind of favour?”

  “My two-leggeds have taken it upon themselves to change my food. That slop they’ve bought for me is horrible.”

  “That’s why you’re not eating?”

  “Yeah. Memory woman thinks I’m pining for Winky, but I just want some decent nosh.”

  “I’m not sure what I can do about it.”

  “Have a word, will you?”

  “What would I say?”

  “You’ll think of something. Please. If things carry on like this, I’ll have to find myself a new home. I don’t suppose you’d consider taking me in, would you?”

  “I’ll have a word with Britt and Kit about the food.”

  “Thanks. Winky said you were a star.”

  I very much doubted that.

  Chapter 7

  “Kathy called while you were in the shower,” Jack said when I came downstairs for breakfast.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “I think so, yeah. She’s going to pop over in about ten minutes.”

  “Didn’t you tell her I’d be on my way to work?”

  “No, I said you’d have a cup of tea waiting for her.”

  “Thanks. Did she say what it was about?”

  “I got the impression it wasn’t something she wanted to discuss with me. I did tell her the twins were coming over this weekend, though.”

  “Please tell me you’re joking?”

  “I didn’t realise it was supposed to be a secret. She seems really keen to see them.”

  “Great.”

  “Are you sure your grandmother didn’t give you an idea of what she had in mind for the promo when you spoke to her yesterday?”

  “No, I told you last night. She just said she was prepared to do it. She did say that I’d owe her a favour in return, though.”

  “That’s not so bad, is it?”

  “It was the last time.”

  “Why? What did you have to do?”

  “Trust me, you’re better off not knowing.”

  “Maybe I should contact her, suggest that she and I get together to brainstorm a few ideas.”

  “That’s definitely not a good idea. She isn’t exactly a team player, and besides, she doesn’t have a very high opinion of—err—”

  “Of what? Of me?”

  “Of humans in general. It’s nothing personal.”

  “It sounds kind of personal.”

  “This is no time to be offended. She’s said she’ll help, and I’m sure she will.”

  “I hope you’re right because I promised Tony and Clare that I’d take care of it.”

  “You were the one who wanted her help. You’ve seen what she’s capable of, so now you need to let her do her thing.”

  “Okay, you’re right. I just don’t like handing over control, that’s all.”

  “I thought I was supposed to be the control freak in this family.”

  “Talking of which, have you and the office manager come to blows yet?”

  “Of course not. He’s going to spend the first two weeks reviewing the business, and then he’ll present me with his findings and suggestions.”

  “That’s when the sparks will fly.”

  “Not at all. I’m open minded enough to embrace new ideas.”

  “O-kay.” Jack laughed.

  “You’ll see.”

  “We need a few things from the shop. Will you have time to call on your way home tonight?”

  “There’s no need. We can use Little Jack’s new shopping app.”

  “He’s got an app?”

  “I thought I’d told you about it.” I grabbed my phone. “Look.”

  “Cool. Have you tried it yet?”

  “No, this will be the first time. What do we need?”

  Jack reeled off a list of everything we were short of, and I added them to the app’s shopping basket.

  “That’s it,” he said.

  “I don’t think so. You’ve forgotten the most important item.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Seriously? You have to ask?”

  “Custard creams?”

  “What else?”

  “I have to get going or I’ll be late.” He gave me a kiss. “I’ll leave you to finish off the order. Have a good day. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  Now, how many packets of custard creams should I order? Two? Maybe three. Four would just be greedy.

  This was the first item where I’d needed to order more than one unit. I clicked on the quantity button and scrolled until it reached four.

  Hold on! What was going on? The quantity field wouldn’t stop scrolling no matter how many times I clicked on it. It eventually came to a halt when it reached the maximum of twenty-five. Even I didn’t need that many custard creams, so I tried to adjust the quantity, but the stupid thing wouldn’t let me do it. It was stuck.

  What should I do? I didn’t want to abandon the order altogether. If I did that, I’d have to start over again, and I didn’t trust myself to remember everything that Jack had listed. Fortunately, there was a comments box on the checkout page, so I entered a note to say the quantity of custard creams was incorrect, and that I actually only wanted four packets.

  I confirmed the time slot I wanted, and then placed the order.

  Job done!

  I was expecting Kathy at any minute, so I put the kettle on. With almost perfect timing, she arrived just as it boiled.

  “Why didn’t you tell me that the twins were coming over this weekend, Jill?”

  “I thought you’d be busy with the new shop.”

  “Not too busy to see the twins and their darling babies. What time are they coming?”

  “They’re going to spend most of Saturday shopping in Washbridge, then either Jack or I will pick them up and bring them here. They’re staying with us on Saturday night and going back on Sunda
y morning.”

  “We’ll come over Saturday evening, then. It’ll just be me and Lizzie because Mikey is going fishing with Pete. Lizzie is going to be so excited to see the babies. Where are they all going to sleep? You’re surely not going to make them sleep in the lounge, are you?”

  “Of course not. What kind of host do you think I am? They’ll have the spare room.”

  “Isn’t that full of Jack’s furniture?”

  “It is at the moment, but we’ll have it cleared out by the time they arrive. Anyway, what did you want to see me about?”

  “It’s nothing, really. I’m probably worrying needlessly.”

  “Is it Lizzie again?”

  “Yeah.

  “The ghost thing?”

  “No. I’ve stopped worrying about that because she rarely mentions it these days.”

  “What’s up, then?”

  “It’s stupid. You’ll think I’m crazy.”

  “You’re here now, so you might as well tell me.”

  “Over the last week or so, Lizzie has been really upset every morning when she wakes up. Because of her dreams.”

  “Is she having nightmares?”

  “No, that’s just it. She’s upset because she says she can’t dream anymore.”

  “We all have periods like that.”

  “I know. I’ve tried to explain to her that it’s not that she isn’t dreaming—it’s just that she can’t remember them. It doesn’t do any good, though. She’s convinced that she’ll never dream again.”

  “Poor little mite. Is there anything I can do?”

  “Not really, no. I imagine it’s just another phase that will pass, like the ghosts. I don’t really know why I came over here. I guess I just needed someone other than Pete to talk to.”

  “What does he say about it?”

  “That I worry too much.” She forced a smile. “I know he’s right, but I can’t help it. You’ll understand when you have kids of your own.”

  That was my cue to get out of there. “I really do have to get going.”

  “Me too. Sorry to burden you with my problems.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “There was one other thing while I’m here. I need a favour, actually.”

  “What is it this time?”

  “Pete and I have been invited to a do in London next Monday. It’s a dinner sponsored by one of the top landscape gardening magazines. It’s all very prestigious, but it will mean an overnight stay. Pete’s parents are going to see to the kids during the daytime, but they have something arranged themselves that night. I wondered if you and Jack might be able to come over to our place to babysit for the night?”

  “Wouldn’t it be easier for the kids to stay here?”

  “It’s just that they have school the next day. I think they’ll settle better in their own beds. Would you be able to do it?”

  “I suppose so. Monday, you say?”

  “Yeah. You wouldn’t need to be there until seven o’clock. Pete’s parents will be there until then.”

  “Okay.”

  “You’re the best, sis.”

  So everyone kept telling me.

  ***

  I was halfway up the stairs to my office when I heard it: the tuneless whistling.

  The source of that awful noise was wearing his dolphin tie. “Morning, Jill.”

  “Morning, Alistair.”

  Mrs V pulled the earmuffs away from one ear. “Morning, Jill.”

  “Hi. Any messages?”

  “Mr Macabre phoned a few minutes ago. He said he’s going to pop in to see you tomorrow.”

  “What does he want?”

  “He wouldn’t say. Only that it was important.”

  “It can’t be about the sign. I’ve only got the one now. It’s a pity he hasn’t got anything better to do with his time.”

  “By the way, Jill,” Alistair said. “I’ve decided on RibTickle.”

  “Sorry?”

  “For my clown name. What do you think?”

  Now I was thoroughly confused. It was only yesterday afternoon that he’d said clowns gave him the creeps.

  “I—err—it’s a very good name.”

  “I thought so. I wanted to go for something different. All I need now are my clown socks.”

  “Right. Anyway, I’d better crack on.”

  Winky was standing on the window sill; he appeared to be signalling to someone across the way.

  “Excuse me,” I said.

  He almost toppled out of the window. “Are you trying to kill me? Why would you creep up on a person like that?”

  “Sorry. I didn’t realise you hadn’t heard me come in. What are you up to anyway?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” He shuffled to one side to give me a better view.

  “You’ve got the zip wire installed.”

  “It’s a Cat Zip.”

  “Sorry. That was quick.”

  “This is only the prototype. We’re going to run tests before starting full-scale production.”

  “Is that the professor over there?” I pointed to the figure in an open window on the fourth floor of the building across the road.

  “Yeah.” He spoke into a small walkie-talkie, “Winky to the prof, come in.”

  “Prof receiving, loud and clear. Over.”

  “How’s it looking, Prof? Over.”

  “So far, so good. I need to do a few more checks before we test it. Over.”

  “I hear you loud and clear, Prof. When will it be ready to test? Over.”

  “Hopefully, tomorrow. Over.”

  “Great stuff, Prof. Over and out.”

  “When you say, test it?” I said. “What does that entail exactly?”

  “What do you think? There’s only one way to test a Cat Zip.”

  “That’s what I thought. So the professor is going to zip from that window to this one?”

  “Not the professor. He’s an academic. I couldn’t expect him to do that.”

  “I suppose not. So who will be testing it?”

  “Me, of course.”

  “But it’s dangerous. You could be killed.”

  “Rubbish. The professor knows what he’s doing. Once he’s declared it safe, the test will just be a formality. I’m actually looking forward to it.”

  ***

  I was doing my best to focus on the Sparks case, but it wasn’t easy because I kept seeing flashes of Winky zip wiring high above the road. He seemed very confident in the professor, but what if his calculations were wrong?

  My phone rang, and to be honest, I was quite pleased for the distraction.

  “Aunt Lucy?”

  “Do you think you could pop over, Jill?”

  “Sure. Is everyone okay?”

  “Everyone’s fine. There’s just something I need you to see.”

  As soon as I walked through the door, I knew exactly why she’d asked me to go over. Every wall in the hallway was covered in pictures, which appeared to have been created using crayons. They looked like the sort of thing a toddler would produce.

  Aunt Lucy was in the lounge; the walls in there too were covered in similar pictures.

  “I take it Barry did these?”

  “Who else?”

  “They’re terrible.”

  “I know. It wouldn’t be so bad but he’s churning them out at an alarming rate. When he asked if I’d mind if he put them up on the walls, I assumed he meant they’d just be in the spare bedroom, but now they’re all over the house.”

  “We’re going to have to be cruel to be kind. I’ll tell him that these are awful, and that he should focus on quality rather than quantity.”

  “You’ll be wasting your time. When Dolly came around yesterday, she heaped praise on him for the work he’s been producing.”

  “Dolly? She can’t draw for toffee herself.”

  “Try telling Barry that.”

  “I’ll go and have a word with him.”

  Barry came charging over to me. “I’m sorry, Jill, but I
don’t have time to go for a walk today. I’m too busy with my drawings.”

  “Hi, Jill!” Rhymes popped his head out from under the cupboard. “Do you know when I’ll get my books?”

  “I’m not sure. I’ll ask Jack.”

  “I’ve changed my mind about publishing a book,” Barry said.

  “Oh? I thought that’s what all these pictures were for?”

  “They were, but then Dolly persuaded me it would be better to hold my own exhibition. Isn’t that a great idea?”

  “Err, I’m not sure. Aren’t those expensive and difficult to organise?”

  “Dolly says she’s going to do it for me. I’m going to be a famous artist, Jill.”

  “That’s great.”

  “Did you come upstairs to tell me something?”

  “Err, no. I just popped up to say hi.”

  “Well?” Aunt Lucy was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. “Did you break the bad news to him that he’s never going to be an artist?”

  “Not exactly.”

  Poor Aunt Lucy. She soon wouldn’t be able to move in that house for Barry’s pictures.

  I asked her if she wanted to come with me to Cuppy C, but she was expecting Lily to wake up at any moment, and she’d need feeding.

  Pearl and Mindy were behind the counter, and for a change, it was Mindy who couldn’t wait to tell me her news.

  “Miles is moving to the human world.”

  Miles Best was Mindy’s ex-boyfriend who had been a long-time thorn in the twins’ side.

  “How come?”

  “He’s got himself a new girlfriend. A human, apparently.”

  “What’s happening to Best Cakes?”

  “He’s sold it.”

  “I didn’t see a For Sale sign.”

  “There wasn’t one. It seems he found a buyer privately. I don’t know who it is.”

  “How did you find out that he was moving?”

  “He came to see me. He was actually quite sweet about it. He apologised for being a horrible boyfriend and wished me luck.”

  “I still wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him,” Pearl said.

  “Me neither.” I’d had more than my fair share of run-ins with Miles. “I’ve just come from your mum’s.”