Witch is How The Dice Fell Read online

  “She’ll say no.”

  “Will you at least try? Please.”

  “Okay, I’ll ask her, but don’t get your hopes up.”

  He pulled me back in for another hug and kiss. “You’re the best.”

  ***

  Jack and I eventually left the house together. As we did, Kit Lively was just coming out of his door.

  “Morning, Kit!” Jack called.

  “Hi there, you two.”

  “We were just admiring your new tree.”

  “Thanks. Jill was actually talking to it yesterday. Is that a naturist thing? Talking to trees, I mean?”

  Jack shot me a puzzled look.

  “I thought I’d explained that I’m not a naturist,” I said.

  “Of course not.” Kit winked as he got into his car. “It’s okay. Your secret is safe with us.”

  After he’d driven away, Jack turned to me. “Were you talking to the tree?”

  “Of course I wasn’t.” I scoffed. “All that exercise has clearly scrambled his brain.”

  Mr Ivers was on duty at the toll bridge.

  “Good morning, Jill. Isn’t it a beautiful day?”

  “Lovely.” I held out the cash, but he ignored it.

  “I saw two frogs earlier.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “I suppose they could have been toads. I’m never quite sure what the difference is.”

  If he didn’t take my cash soon, he’d find out at first hand.

  “The toll fee, Mr Ivers.” I thrust my hand closer to his face.

  “Of course, but first, you’ll want to hear my exciting news.”

  “I’m actually running a little late.”

  “The first all-new edition of the movie newsletter will be available on Friday.”

  Whoop-de-doo. “That’s great.”

  “You haven’t heard the best part yet.”

  “I really do need to get going.”

  “I’ve decided to produce an audio version of the newsletter too.”

  “I think I’ll just stick with the printed version.”

  “I know what you’re thinking: More expense. But you’d be wrong. An audio copy will be made available free of charge to all subscribers.”

  “That’s very generous of you.”

  “No prizes for guessing who’ll be providing the narration.”

  “Could it be you by any chance?”

  “Correct. And although I do say so myself, I have the perfect voice for it. I’ve often thought I could have been a voice-over artist. What do you think, Jill?”

  I think that if you don’t take this cash within the next thirty seconds, I won’t be responsible for my actions. “You have a great voice, Mr Ivers. Now, the cash?”

  “Thank you.” He took the money, and raised the barrier.

  As I drove away, he was still rattling on about his prospects as a voice actor.

  ***

  “Morning, Mrs V. Morning, Alistair.”

  “Good morning, Jill.” Alistair glanced up only briefly from his work.

  Mrs V was wearing earmuffs, and she obviously hadn’t heard me come in, so I waved my hand in front of her face.

  “Sorry, Jill.” She lifted the earmuffs from one ear. “I didn’t hear you.” She puckered her lips, and gestured towards Alistair.

  From that, I gathered that my new office manager had been whistling again. At least he didn’t have his finger up his nose.

  “I see you managed to get your tie cleaned, Alistair,” I said.

  “Sorry?”

  “You said you’d spilled coffee on it?”

  “Oh yes, that’s right. It’s as good as new now.”

  “Do you need anything else from me?”

  “Not yet, thanks. I’ve got plenty to be getting on with.”

  “Excellent.”

  “I signed up for the clown school last night,” he said.

  “Great.”

  “Now all I have to do is come up with a good clown name. I don’t suppose you have any suggestions, do you, Jill?”

  “No, sorry. I’m not really the person to ask about matters clown related.”

  “Jill is scared of clowns,” Mrs V chipped in.

  “No, I’m not.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve just never seen the point of them, that’s all. Anyway, I’d better get going. Lots to do.”

  “Have you considered therapy?” Winky said.

  “For what?”

  “Your fear of clowns.”

  “Why does everyone think I’m afraid of clowns? It’s a ridiculous notion.”

  “It just so happens that I’m a qualified therapist. And as luck would have it, I specialise in coulrophobia.”

  “In what?”

  “The irrational fear of clowns. The first step in the process is for you to own your fear, so why don’t you start by admitting it?”

  “Because it isn’t true. And even if it were true, which it isn’t, the last person I’d turn to for help would be you. Now if you don’t mind, I have work to do.”

  “There’s no helping some people.”

  The situation at CASS was still weighing on my mind. Left to his own devices, Maligarth would destroy everything that was good about the school.

  But not if I had anything to do with it.

  Grandma had come up with a good suggestion: I needed to start by contacting the school governors, to find out as much as possible about the man, and to ask them why they’d appointed him.

  The one person I knew I could trust at CASS was the caretaker, Reggie, so I gave him a call.

  “Reggie, it’s Jill.”

  “I take it you’ve heard.”

  “Heard what?”

  “Maligarth has sacked me.”

  “When?”

  “The day after you were over there. He made me pack my bags and leave the same day.”

  “Are you back in Candlefield?”

  “Yeah. I’m still unpacking.”

  “I’m so sorry, Reggie. How are you?”

  “Not great, to be honest. CASS was my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”

  “Keep your chin up. All may not yet be lost.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not prepared to stand by while this man singlehandedly destroys the school.”

  “What can you do to stop him?”

  “I don’t know yet, but would you be willing to help?”

  “Of course. Just tell me what you need, Jill.”

  “Why don’t we meet up and we can discuss it?”

  “Okay. Where?”

  “What about Cuppy C?”

  “Fine by me. When?”

  “There’s no time like the present. If that’s okay with you?”

  “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  When I arrived at Cuppy C, Amber and Mindy were behind the counter.

  “Hey, you two. I’m meeting Reggie here in a few minutes. Give him whatever he wants, and I’ll settle up with you later. And I’ll have my usual, please.”

  “Are you feeling okay?” Amber smirked.

  “Fine. Why?”

  “You just offered to pay for someone else’s drinks. You never do that.”

  “Of course I do. You make me sound like a real cheapskate.”

  “That’s because you are.”

  “Rubbish.” I checked to make sure Belladonna wasn’t anywhere around. “How’s the creche going?”

  “Fantastic. It’s one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.”

  “And Belladonna?”

  “She’s great. We couldn’t have recruited anyone more suited to the job.”

  “Did she mention I’d popped up there a couple of times?”

  “Yeah.” Amber grinned. “She reckons you were checking up on her.”

  “No, I wasn’t. I was just curious to see how things were going. Mind you, I did find one thing a little weird.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The first time I went up there, the kids were pl
aying in silence. There was no screaming, no tears or tantrums.”

  “That just proves how good she is. The children all react really well to her.”

  “It felt a little weird, that’s all. Then, yesterday when I took another look, everyone was asleep. The kids and their parents.”

  “That’s down to the relaxed atmosphere Belladonna has created.”

  “Something just didn’t feel right.”

  “You’re doing what you always do, Jill. You’re seeing problems where there aren’t any.”

  “Maybe, but that first time, there was one particular little girl with her mother. As soon as her mum told her to put down a toy because it was time to go home, the girl did as she was told without a word of complaint. No tears, no backchat or tantrums.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing. Except that when I saw the same little girl and her mother out on the street just a few minutes later, the child was being a total monster. She was having a real strop about something. It was as if she was a different person.”

  “Which just underlines how good Belladonna is. There’s no wonder we’re getting more and more parents and kids here every day. If the numbers continue to grow, we may have to start a waiting list.”

  Chapter 5

  “I’m sorry I’m late, Jill.” Reggie was struggling to catch his breath; he’d obviously been running. “I couldn’t find my other shoe.”

  “That’s okay. You didn’t need to rush over here. Go and get yourself something from the counter; I’ve told them to put it on my account.”

  “That’s very kind of you.” When he eventually joined me at the table, he had a milkshake and a plateful of buns. “I hope this is okay. I was only going to have one of these, but the young woman who served me insisted that you’d want me to have them all.”

  Behind the counter, Amber was grinning from ear to ear.

  “That’s fine.”

  “I’m starving.” He took a huge bite out of one of the buns. “I haven’t got around to getting any food in yet; I wasn’t expecting to be home until half-term.”

  “What Maligarth has done to you is disgraceful.”

  “I don’t think it would have mattered what I did or how hard I tried to please him, he’d already decided he wanted me out.”

  “What will you do now?”

  “I have no idea. CASS is all I’ve ever known. Who’d want a big lummox like me?”

  “Don’t be silly. With all the experience you have under your belt, you shouldn’t have any problems finding another job. Have you ever thought of looking for work in the human world?”

  “I’m not sure if I could work alongside humans.”

  “They don’t bite. They’re not that much different to sups really.”

  “I may have to consider it, if I can’t find anything here in Candlefield. It isn’t going to be easy because I don’t have any references, and Maligarth isn’t likely to give me one.”

  “I’m sure Ms Nightowl would.”

  “If I can find her. No one knows where she’s gone. It’s like she’s just disappeared. Anyway, enough about me. I’ll be okay. You said you needed my help.”

  “There must be a way to stop Maligarth, and if there is, I intend to find it. First, though, I need to find out as much about the man as I can.”

  “No one seems to know anything about him.” Reggie was on his second bun. “Even Ms Nightowl said she knew nothing about the man.”

  “That’s pretty much what she told me too, but his appointment must have been approved by the school governors. They must know something about him.”

  “I guess so.”

  “I have no idea who the governors are,” I said. “And I don’t really want to make enquiries at CASS because I might alert Maligarth to what I’m doing. I was hoping you might be able to find out who they are.”

  “I’ll definitely try. I still have a lot of contacts there. I’ll see what I can find out.”

  “Great. You’ll need to do it on the quiet. Like I said, I don’t want Maligarth to get wind of what I’m doing.”

  “Don’t worry, Jill. I’ll be the soul of discretion.”

  ***

  I’d promised that I’d drop in at Kathy’s shop because she wanted me to meet Pippa, the witch who would be managing the new shop in West Chipping. It was Pippa’s first time working in the human world, so I had no doubt she would be doubly nervous.

  When I arrived at the shop, Kathy was busy with a customer.

  “Good morning, madam, how can I help you today?” The eager young woman had dimples and a dazzling smile.

  “Pippa?”

  “That’s right. How did you know?”

  “I’m Kathy’s sister.”

  “Jill? Thank you so much for getting me this job.”

  “I’m pretty sure you did that yourself. All I did was put your name forward.”

  “Thanks anyway. I thought it might take a while for me to find something.”

  I lowered my voice to a whisper. “Have you moved here yet or are you magicking yourself back and forth every day?”

  “I’m living here in Washbridge now with my boyfriend, Howie.”

  “He’s a human, right?”

  “That’s right. Butter told me that you live with a human too.”

  “Jack, yeah.”

  “Has it been difficult? Keeping your secret, I mean?”

  “It was tricky at first, but it gets easier. What does your boyfriend do?”

  “He’s a policeman.”

  “Really? So is Jack. Where’s Howie stationed?”

  “Here in Washbridge.”

  “Jack used to be, but he got a transfer to West Chipping.”

  “I see you’ve met my new manager.” Kathy had finished with her customer.

  “Pippa’s boyfriend is a policeman.”

  “I know. She told me when I interviewed her.”

  “When does the new shop open?”

  “A week tomorrow. You’ll have to come to the big launch.”

  “I will if I can, but I—”

  “There’ll be cake.”

  “I’ll be there. What time does it start?”

  ***

  As I made my way back up the high street, Betty came out of She Sells.

  “Hi, Betty.” Whatever I did, I mustn’t look at her eyebrows. Too late, I was already transfixed.

  “What do you think, Jill?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You were staring at my eyebrows. Deli has been pencilling the left one in for me.”

  “It’s amazing. I wouldn’t even have known one was missing if you hadn’t reminded me.”

  “She certainly makes a better job of it than I ever could.”

  “Deli told me that you’d come to an amicable agreement.”

  “I’m not sure I’d call it amicable, but it is acceptable.”

  “I’m sorry, I was the one who recommended you go to that salon.”

  “It isn’t your fault. It’s that lunatic husband of hers. Whenever I go in there now, he always disappears into the back. I think he’s scared of what I might do to him.”

  I wasn’t particularly hungry, so I just grabbed a sandwich for lunch on my way back to the office.

  There was no sign of Mrs V, but Alistair was at his desk, eating a Pot Noodle.

  “I hope you don’t mind me eating lunch at my desk, Jill?”

  “Of course not. I see you swapped your tie again?”

  “Err, yeah. I dropped some noodles on it.”

  “Just as well you keep a change of tie with you.”

  “I like to be prepared.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t want to take a walk outside in your lunch break, to get a little fresh air.”

  “I would have done, but I thought I might bump into one of those clowns.” He gave a little shiver. “They give me the creeps.”

  “Right? I’ll leave you to it, then.”

  Winky and the professor were at my desk; the
y seemed oblivious to my arrival.

  “Excuse me.” I cleared my throat. “That’s my desk.”

  “We’re almost done.” Winky was studying the paperwork in front of him. “Okay, Prof, I’m happy with that.” He scribbled his signature at the bottom of the last page, and then slid the papers over for the professor to sign. “A pleasure to do business with you, Prof.”

  “Likewise.”

  Once the professor had disappeared out of the window, I shooed Winky out of my chair. “What was that all about?”

  “We’ve just signed a contract for our joint venture: Cat Zip.

  “Don’t you mean cat nip? You’re a bit late to the game there, aren’t you?”

  “Not cat nip. That’s just a big con, anyway.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You two-leggeds are so gullible. Do you really think that cat nip has any effect on cats?”

  “Of course it does. I’ve seen it.”

  “You mean something like this?” He started to walk around the office as though he was inebriated. “Look at me. I’ve just sniffed some cat nip.”

  “Are you telling me that it doesn’t really have any effect?”

  “Of course it doesn’t, but every cat that gets their owner to buy some receives a small commission on the sale. You have to hand it to Conor. It’s a work of genius. I only wish I’d thought of it.”

  “Who’s Conor?”

  “Conor the Con. He’s a brilliant con artist. He was the one who came up with the idea of cat nip.”

  “And this Conor, he’s a cat, I assume?”

  “Of course. No way a two-legged could have come up with something as brilliant as this.”

  “So what’s Cat Zip, then?”

  “First, I’ll need you to sign this.” He produced a sheet of paper from somewhere. “It’s a standard NDA.”

  “Okay.” I signed the agreement and handed it back to him.

  “What would you say is the biggest cause of feline injury and death in a city like Washbridge?”

  “Err, I don’t know.”

  “Come on, Jill. It really isn’t that difficult.”

  “The roads? Being hit by a car?”

  “Bingo, and that’s where Cat Zip comes in. Answer me this, why did the chicken cross the road?”