Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39) Read online

  “No, we’ve never needed one.”

  “A brochure, then?”

  “No, but like I said, you don’t need to worry. All my lookalikes are indistinguishable from the real thing.”

  “I’m not prepared to take the risk. I’m going to stick with Double Take.”

  “But you’ll be paying over the odds.”

  “Sorry, but I’ve made up my mind.”

  “You’re a fool, then.” He stormed out of the door, slamming it closed behind him.

  Once the coast was clear, I came out from behind the curtain.

  “Did you hear all of that, Jill?”

  “I did, and it all sounds very dodgy. Thanks for doing this, Kathy. I have to go because I want to follow him.”

  “Be careful. He looks like a wrong’un.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Thanks again.”

  Chapter 18

  Obviously, I hadn’t been able to say anything to Kathy, but as soon as the man had walked in, I’d sensed he was a wizard. I followed him out of the shop and tucked in a few yards behind him. After about ten minutes, he stepped inside a building, which was a few doors down from the council offices. I quickly cast the ‘invisible’ spell and followed him inside. His office, which had no signage as far as I could tell, was on the ground floor. I just managed to squeeze in behind him before he closed the door. The room was only big enough to accommodate a desk, a chair, a single filing cabinet and a table, on which was a kettle and a couple of tea-stained mugs.

  He sat at his desk and began to play a stupid game on his phone. I’m no gamer, but I could see he didn’t have the first clue what he was doing. After a few minutes, he stood up and walked out of the office. As he didn’t lock the door behind him, I figured he wouldn’t be gone for long, so I had no time to waste. I started with the filing cabinet, but all three of the drawers were empty. Next, I checked the desk where I found a page-a-day diary. As I flicked through it, it became clear this was where he recorded his bookings. I still had the list of Double Take’s cancellations, and it didn’t take long for me to confirm that each one had a corresponding entry in the diary. I turned to today’s date and saw that there was a booking in half an hour’s time for a lookalike called Jenny Diamond who, once again, I’d never heard of. She was no doubt another reality TV star. Just then, I heard footsteps coming towards the office, so I closed the diary and put it back in the desk drawer.

  Once inside the office, he stood in the middle of the room and transformed himself into an attractive female with long blonde hair. Now everything began to make sense. This guy didn’t employ ‘real’ lookalikes; he was simply using the ‘doppelganger’ spell to make himself look like the appropriate ‘celebrity’. No wonder he’d been able to offer Kathy whichever lookalike she wanted.

  He started for the door, no doubt on his way to his next booking. Once again, I slipped out behind him, then I waited until he was out of the building before I reversed the ‘invisible’ spell.

  I now knew who was behind Double Take’s string of cancelled bookings, but how did this guy know which bookings Double Take had on their books? I could only assume that he must have someone on the inside who was tipping him off. But who? The only way to find out, would have been to follow him, but I didn’t have the time. Edna was already following Devon, but it occurred to me that she might know someone who could help. I gave her a call and, moments later, she appeared on my right shoulder.

  “I don’t have anything to report yet, Jill.”

  “I didn’t expect you to. It’s just that there’s someone else that I need following.”

  “I know I’m good at what I do, but I can’t follow two people at the same time.”

  “I thought you might have a contact in the same line of business.”

  “As it happens, I do. My friend, Irene Ironside, is an excellent surveillance fairy. Not as good as me, obviously, but good enough for your needs.”

  “Could you get in touch with her, Edna?”

  “Sure.” She took out her phone and made the call.

  No sooner had she finished than another fairy appeared on my left shoulder.

  “Hi, Irene,” Edna said. “Thanks for coming over so promptly.”

  “No problem, Edna.”

  The two of them were talking across me as though I wasn’t there.

  “I have to get going, Irene,” Edna said. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

  “Bye, Edna.” Irene turned to me. “I assume you’re Jill.”

  “That’s right. I’d like you to follow someone for me if you can.”

  “No problem. Give me the details.”

  “It’s a wizard, but he currently looks like an attractive young woman with long blonde hair.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  I quickly explained what was happening with the Double Take agency.

  “Okay, let me get this straight,” she said. “This guy is stealing the other agency’s bookings by passing himself off as a lookalike, but he’s actually using magic.”

  “Pretty much, yeah. He must be getting details of the bookings from someone on the inside at Double Take. I need you to find out who.”

  “Okay. Where will I find this wizard?”

  “He’s got a booking at this address in a few minutes time.” I handed her a slip of paper.

  “Did Edna tell you that I charge the same rate as her?”

  “She didn’t, but that’s fine. I assume you’ll want paying in custard creams?”

  “Good gracious, no. Why would I want those horrible biscuits?”

  Horrible biscuits? I was beginning to have my doubts about Irene. “How do you want to be paid, then?”

  “In ginger nuts.”

  “You can’t possibly prefer ginger nuts to custard creams, the king of biscuits.”

  “I most certainly do. Do we have a deal or not?”

  “Err, yeah.” Despite my misgivings vis-à-vis her dubious take on the relative merits of biscuits, I was willing to risk it. “We have a deal.”

  ***

  After Irene had left, I made my way to the car park. I was just about to turn the ignition key when I happened to glance in the rear-view mirror. Staring back at me was a pair of eyes. I jumped so much that I banged my head on the roof of the car.

  I turned to face the man in the back seat. It was a man I recognised; a man who looked very much like myself. For most of my life, I hadn’t known that I had a brother. When he came into my life a few years ago, I was both shocked and delighted, but then he’d disappeared as suddenly as he’d appeared.

  “Martin?”

  “Hello, Jill. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

  “Of course you scared me. I thought you were—” I hesitated.

  “Dead? Not yet. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to contact you before. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. Or at least I was until you scared me to death just now. Are you sure you’re alright, Martin? You don’t look great.”

  “The last few years have taken their toll on me, I’m afraid.”

  “Where have you been? What happened?”

  “Do you recall our last phone call before I left?”

  “Of course I do. I remember your exact words. You said that he had you fooled. That he wasn’t dead, and that you had to stay there to try to keep my child safe. I assumed you were talking about Braxmore?”

  “Correct.”

  “What’s happened since then?”

  “Now’s not the time to go into that.”

  “Just tell me this, then. Is Florence safe?”

  “For now, yes.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that I’ve done all I can alone, but I’m going to need your help.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “There isn’t time to explain everything now. I’ll call you in a few days’ time, so we can get together and discuss it properly.”

  “Won’t you at least come with me and meet Florence?�
�

  “There’s nothing I’d like more, but I really do have to get back.”

  “But Martin—”

  It was too late, he’d disappeared again.

  It took me several minutes to compose myself enough to drive home. The thought that Braxmore might try to snatch Florence terrified me, but there was no way I could tell Jack because it would destroy him. I would have to keep it to myself, at least for now.

  Jack and I had arranged to go out for dinner with Mad and Brad, which was the last thing I felt like doing, but if I told Jack that I didn’t want to go, he would know that something was wrong. I would just have to put on a brave face and pretend everything was okay.

  ***

  “They’re here!” Jack shouted from the lounge where he’d been keeping watch for Mad and Brad.

  I was in the kitchen, playing snakes and ladders with Florence. After talking to Martin, I felt the need to spend as much time as possible with her. So far, she’d won all three games. With anyone else, I would have resorted to magic, but Florence would have realised what I was up to, so I’d never get away with it.

  “Can we play one more game, Mummy, please?”

  “No, darling, there isn’t time. My friends have just arrived, and they want to meet you. Why don’t you put the game away while I go and let them in?”

  “But, Mummy, you said I could play one game of snakes and ladders with Sarah when she comes.”

  “Okay, but you have to go and put your pyjamas on now.”

  While Florence was getting ready for bed, I went through to the hall where Jack was waiting by the open door.

  “You’ve scrubbed up nicely,” I said as Mad walked up the drive.

  “We thought we’d better make an effort, seeing as we’re going out with an old married couple.”

  “You’re married now too, or have you forgotten already? And less of the old, thank you. Come on in.”

  Mad glanced around. “Where’s that beautiful daughter of yours?”

  “She’s just putting her PJs on. Let’s go through to the lounge. She’ll come and join us.”

  We’d been chatting for a few minutes when I saw something scurry in through the door and head towards the bookcase.

  Mad must have seen it too because she said, “Have you got a mouse, Jill?”

  “I think we must have.” I hurried over to the bookcase, scooped up the little creature, and took it through to the kitchen where I put it on the table. “Florence, what do you think you’re playing at?”

  “I wanted to show your friends how I can do the ‘shrink’ spell.”

  “What did I tell you about when you can and can’t do magic?”

  “I thought your friends would like to see it.”

  “Brad is a human, and you know you mustn’t do magic in front of humans. Now, reverse that spell quickly.”

  “Okay, Mummy.” She did as I said.

  “Climb down from the table and come and say hello to my friends.” I led the way into the lounge. “Mad, Brad, this is Florence.”

  “Aren’t you beautiful?” Mad said. “Come here and give me a hug.” Florence walked over to her and gave her a cuddle. “And this is my husband, Brad.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you, young lady.” He shook her hand.

  While Mad, Brad and Florence were getting acquainted, I gestured to Jack that he should follow me into the kitchen.

  “I didn’t know we had a mouse,” he said.

  “We don’t. That was Florence.”

  “What do you mean, it was Florence?”

  “She’d made herself tiny using the ‘shrink’ spell.”

  He shook his head. “I thought she’d agreed not to use magic when there was anyone else around.”

  “So did I, but that little madam has a mind of her own. I’m beginning to think we might have made a mistake by listening to Aunt Lucy.”

  Twenty minutes later, Sarah and Florence were at the kitchen table, just about to start a game of snakes and ladders. Mad and Brad said their goodbyes to Florence, and then the four of us made our way across the village to The Middle where Jack had phoned ahead to book a table for four. Judging by how few customers were in the pub, he needn’t have bothered.

  We ordered our drinks at the bar, and a few minutes later, Arthur Spraggs, the landlord, came over to our table to take our food orders.

  “Terrible business at the tea room, Jill,” he said.

  “Yes, it was.”

  “I know no one liked Miss Drinkwater, but she didn’t deserve that. Have they caught anyone yet, do you know?”

  “Not that I’m aware of.”

  “Rum business. Still, maybe that couple will get the chance to buy the tea room after all.”

  “Sorry? What couple?”

  “They came in here a few weeks ago to celebrate buying the tea room. They obviously thought it was a done deal.”

  “What happened?”

  “Apparently, Miss Drinkwater vetoed the sale at the very last minute.”

  “Do you know why?”

  “I’ve no idea. One minute the sale was on, the next, it was off.”

  “I don’t suppose you happen to remember the name of the couple, do you?”

  “I do, but only because they had a very strange surname. Peep. P-E-E-P, as in Little Bo.”

  “Do you know their first names?”

  “Joe and Flo. They live in Wash Edge, I believe.”

  Despite my earlier reservations, I managed to forget about Braxmore and enjoy the evening. Jack and Brad really hit it off, based on their shared bad taste in music.

  After seeing Mad and Brad off, Jack and I walked back to the old watermill.

  “Is everything okay, Sarah?” I asked. “I hope Florence didn’t try to keep you playing snakes and ladders all evening.”

  “No, she went straight up to bed after we’d finished that one game. She was feeling very pleased with herself because she beat me.”

  “She’s really lucky when it comes to snakes and ladders. She beat me too.”

  “The funny thing is, I thought I’d won, but then I landed on a snake just before the finish line. I know this sounds crazy, but I could have sworn that snake wasn’t there when I threw the dice.”

  “Err, right. Jack, can you give Sarah her money, please?”

  Jack paid her and showed her to the door. When he came back, he said, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

  “That Florence used magic to cheat at snakes and ladders? I’d put money on it. I can’t believe she would do something like that.”

  “Hmm.” Jack grinned.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I was just thinking the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

  Chapter 19

  I could hear Florence’s screams coming from the next room, but I couldn’t go to her aid because my feet were bound by heavy chains that I was unable to break, even after I’d cast the ‘power’ spell.

  “It’s alright, Florence!” I yelled. “Mummy’s coming.” I continued to tug at the chains but to no avail.

  Every time Florence called my name, it tore my heart apart.

  “Jill, wake up!”

  “Jack?” I opened my eyes and realised I was in bed; my feet had become tangled up in the sheets.

  “Are you alright, Jill? You must have been having a nightmare. You kept shouting Florence’s name.”

  Florence!

  I jumped out of bed and sprinted to her bedroom where I found my little angel, still fast asleep. I backed quietly out of the room and went to re-join Jack.

  “What was that all about?”

  “Sorry, I dreamt that someone was trying to take Florence.”

  “Are you okay now?”

  “I’m fine. You go downstairs and start breakfast. I’ll get my shower and then come and join you.”

  By the time I got downstairs, Florence was seated at the kitchen table with Jack. The two of them were giggling at something.

  “What are you two laughi
ng at?”

  “Nothing,” Jack said, somewhat unconvincingly.

  “Come on. Share the joke.”

  “Why don’t you tell Mummy, Florence?” he said.

  “Daddy says you’re going to dress up as a pirate.”

  I glared at Jack. “Did he now?”

  “Can I see your costume, Mummy?”

  “I don’t have it with me. It’s at work.”

  “Can I go to the fancy dress party too?”

  “It isn’t a party. It’s just something that I have to do for work, and children aren’t allowed. Sorry.”

  “Aww.” She pouted. “I want to dress up as a pirate.”

  “The next time we go to Washbridge, why don’t you ask Daddy to buy you a pirate costume from the fancy dress shop?”

  “Will you, Daddy?” Florence said eagerly.

  “Err, yeah, I guess so.” It was Jack’s turn to shoot me a look.

  When Florence had finished her breakfast, she went upstairs to play.

  “Will there be photos?” Jack said.

  “Photos of what?”

  “Your costume of course. I’m looking forward to seeing you, as a cat dressed in a pirate’s costume.”

  “There most certainly will not be photos. And I don’t appreciate you telling Florence about it.”

  “Come on. You have to admit it’s funny.”

  “Oh yeah. It’s hilarious. It’s not like I don’t have anything better to do than turn myself into a cat and dress up as a pirate.”

  “Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear.”

  “I have to go to work.” I went upstairs, gave Florence a kiss, and grabbed my bag.

  “Ahoy, matey, don’t I get a kiss?” Jack shouted after me as I headed out.

  “You don’t deserve one.”

  “Come on. I was only joking.”

  “Okay.” I gave him a quick peck. “But no more pirate jokes.”

  “Aye, aye, captain.”

  I’d just stepped out of the house when who should walk through the gate, but my favourite postie.

  “Good morning, Oscar.”

  “Morning, Jill. Is Jack in?”