Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39) Read online

  “He certainly is.”

  “I thought I’d pop over to check how he’s doing with his stamp collection.”

  “I know he’s keen to show you what he’s done so far.” I opened the door. “Jack!”

  He came out of the kitchen. “What have you forgotten, Jill?”

  “Nothing. Oscar’s here. He’s come to see how your stamp collection is coming along.”

  Jack’s face fell. “Great.”

  ***

  “Morning, Mrs V.”

  “Good morning, Jill. Did you check your coins?”

  “Sorry?”

  “Don’t you remember I told you about that rare ten-pence piece? The one that’s worth twenty-thousand pounds.”

  “I’ll take a look.” I took all the change out of my pockets and purse, and checked the dates, but there was no sign of the rare coin.

  “Nope.” I sighed. “No twenty-thousand pounds for me.”

  I’d no sooner walked into my office than Winky shouted, “Close your eyes.”

  “I don’t have time for your nonsense, Winky. I’ve got a busy morning ahead.”

  “Just close your eyes.”

  “Oh, alright, but be quick.”

  “Ta-da. You can open them now.” He was holding up the pirate costume that I’d ripped. It looked as good as new.

  “I’m impressed. Are you sure that’s the same one?”

  “Of course it is. Sid the Stitch is a genius.”

  I took it from him and examined it. “He’s done a brilliant job. If I need anything repairing in future, I’ll know where to come.”

  “So, it’s all systems go for the contest this afternoon?”

  “I suppose so.” I had been hoping that the ripped costume would mean the contest would be a write-off, but now I had no excuses. I handed the costume back to him. “You’d better hang on to this until this afternoon. I’ve got tons of stuff to do today.”

  “You’d better not let me down because there’s a lot riding on this.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be back.”

  “Was that your Arnie impression?”

  “Good, eh?”

  “Not really. It sounded more like Elmer Fudd.”

  “Have you been talking to Jack?”

  “And how, pray tell, would I do that?”

  Just then, Bobby and Bertie landed on the ledge outside the window. They both looked down in the dumps, but I was about to change all that. “Hi, guys. How are things?”

  “Not too great, to be honest, Jill,” Bertie said.

  “Yeah, pretty rubbish.” Bobby nodded his head.

  “I take it you haven’t found your lady friends yet.”

  “We’ve looked everywhere, but there’s no sign of them. It’s back to the single life for us.”

  “It just so happens that I have Bianca and Briana’s numbers in my phone.”

  “Is that a joke, Jill?” Bobby said. “Because it’s not funny.”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  “How on earth did you get their phone numbers?” Bertie asked.

  “Yesterday, your two lady friends were standing exactly where you two are now.”

  “They were here?” Bobby said. “How come?”

  “It seems you two made a big impression on the ladies, but Bianca lost her phone which had your numbers in it, so they had no way of contacting you. They’ve been checking every building in Washbridge to try to find you.”

  “That would explain why we didn’t see them in the park,” Bobby said. “This is fantastic news.”

  As soon as I’d given them the numbers, both pigeons got on the phone to their girlfriend.

  Another two satisfied customers.

  My phone rang.

  “Is that Jill?”

  “Yes, Jill Maxwell speaking.”

  “It’s Sam from U-City. You asked me to call if there were any developments regarding my missing horn.”

  “Has something happened?”

  “I’ve actually got it back.”

  “You have? How?”

  “The queen’s brother, Devon, managed to recover a number of the horns from Candlefield.”

  “I knew he’d recovered some, but I didn’t realise it would be possible to identify who they belonged to.”

  “Every horn is unique, so it was easy to return them to their rightful owners.”

  “That’s great. I don’t mean to be rude, but is it any good to you now?”

  “Oh yes. I’ve already fixed it in place. I feel one-hundred percent better already.”

  “Won’t it get in the way of the new one growing underneath? I’m sorry if these are stupid questions, but I’m not very well versed in matters unicorn.”

  “That’s okay. I’ve placed the old horn just in front of the new one. As soon as the new horn reaches a respectable length, I’ll no longer need the old one. I’m feeling so much better already.”

  “I’m really delighted for you, Sam. Thanks for letting me know. Bye.”

  That got me wondering. Had the two ladies-in-waiting had their horns returned too?

  A quick phone call revealed they both had them back. Hopefully, that meant Missy would have hers back too. I gave her a call.

  “Missy? It’s Jill Maxwell. Are you okay to speak or are you busy with your little one?”

  “I’m okay to talk because Lola is asleep.”

  “I wondered if by any chance your horn had been returned to you?”

  “No. Why do you ask?”

  “A number of the stolen horns were recovered from Candlefield. I’ve just spoken to three other unicorns who have all had them returned to them, and I was hoping that yours might have been too.”

  “I’m afraid not,” she sighed. “Do you know who found the horns, Jill?”

  “It was the queen’s brother, Devon.”

  “Do you think they might find the others?”

  “I don’t know. Hopefully.”

  By rights, I should have been done with the unicorn case, but there was something about it that still bugged me, so I gave Ursula a call.

  “Ursula, it’s Jill Maxwell.”

  “Hi, Jill. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you again.”

  “I know you told me to forget about this case, but could I ask you a question relating to it?”

  “Of course. What do you want to know?”

  “I understand that you were able to identify the owners of the recovered horns?”

  “That’s right.”

  “I don’t suppose there’s any chance that you could send me a list of the unicorns who got their horns back, could you?”

  “I really don’t think you should be spending any more time on this, Jill.”

  “Humour me, would you? What harm can it do?”

  “Okay. I’ll get Ronald to send you a text with the details.”

  “Thanks, Ursula.”

  ***

  I was gagging for a coffee, so I decided to risk a visit to Coffee Animal. I’d given the place a wide berth since the incident with the snake, but my need for caffeine had now overridden my fear.

  I was almost at the shop when I bumped into Norman, AKA Mastermind, who I hadn’t seen for ages.

  “Hello, Norman. Long time, no see.”

  “Hi, err—”

  There was no way of knowing how long it might take him to remember my name, so I prompted him. “Jill.”

  “Oh yeah, I remember now.”

  “How is your bottle top shop doing?”

  “It’s doing well from what I hear. I sold it.”

  “Really? Did you get fed up with bottle tops?”

  “No, I could never get fed up with them.”

  “Of course not. Silly of me to even suggest it.”

  “I’m still a keen collector, but I got an offer to buy the shop from the biggest chain of bottle top retailers in the country. It was so much money that I simply couldn’t turn it down.”

  “Does that mean you’ve retired?”

  “Finan
cially, I don’t need to work again, but I got bored after a few months of sitting at home all day. That’s why I’m about to embark on a completely new business venture.”

  I should have known better than to ask, but curiosity got the better of me. “What is your new business, Norman?”

  “Stamps. I’ve collected them ever since I was a child. Although, they’ve always come second to my bottle tops, obviously.”

  “Obviously.”

  “I’ve already turned one hobby into a business, so I thought why not try to do it again?”

  “That sounds like a great idea. Coincidentally, my husband, Jack, has just started to collect stamps.”

  “There does seem to have been something of a revival of interest in stamp collecting recently.”

  “Will you just be trading online, Norman?”

  “No, I’m opening a shop here in Washbridge. Do you know the old cheese shop at the bottom of the high street?”

  “Do you mean the Cheese Hole?”

  “That’s the one. The guy who owned it retired. The shop fitters finished last weekend, and the grand opening is this Saturday.”

  “You don’t let the grass grow, do you?”

  “What grass?”

  “Never mind. Do you have a name for your shop?”

  “I’m going to call it Norman’s Stamps.”

  “Inspired. I’ll tell Jack; I’m sure he’ll be keen to check it out.”

  It didn’t take long to figure out what the animal of the day was because a frog jumped onto the counter while I was waiting to be served.

  “Hiya,” he said.

  “I thought you were meant to say ribbit?”

  “Why would I say that? What does it even mean?”

  “I don’t know. I just thought it was what frogs said.”

  “You have been badly misinformed.”

  “I’m not sure you should be on the counter. It’s not very hygienic.”

  “Are you calling me unhygienic?”

  “No, I’m just saying—”

  “Jill?” Dot gave me a puzzled look. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. Fine.”

  “It’s just that I thought I heard you talking to that frog.”

  “No. Why would I talk to a frog? That would be a crazy thing to do.”

  “Sorry, my mistake. What can I get for you?”

  “My usual, please.”

  “A caramel latte and a blueberry muffin?”

  “Yes, please.”

  She gave me the coffee, muffin, and a small plastic cage inside which was another frog. I was just about to take a seat when someone called my name.

  “Jill, over here!” It was Deli. She too had a frog in a cage on the table in front of her.

  “Let me out!” my frog shouted, but I ignored him.

  “Taking a break, Deli?” I took a seat opposite her.

  “Yes, I’ve had a hectic morning, and Nails is getting on my nerves. Take a tip from me, Jill, never work with your husband.”

  “Don’t worry. There’s no chance of that ever happening. Jack and I went out for a meal with Mad and Brad last night in Middle Tweaking.”

  “Did you now? That’s charming. I’ve been asking them to come out with me and Nails ever since the two of them moved back to Washbridge, but Madeline always insists she’s too busy.”

  Oh bum! It looked like I’d dropped Mad in it.

  “Still, they have only recently opened the shop, so they probably have tons to do.”

  “And yet, they managed to find time to go out with you and Jack. Just wait until your daughter has grown up and she doesn’t want to know you. Anyway, you don’t want to listen to me moaning. I hear there was a murder in your village.”

  “Yes. Miss Drinkwater, the woman who ran the tea room.”

  “A little bird also told me that your grandmother had been taken in for questioning.”

  “Word certainly travels fast. It’s true, she was, but she didn’t have anything to do with it.”

  “Are you sure? Your grandmother has an awful temper.”

  “Of course I’m sure. In fact, I’m working on the case at her request.”

  “That could just be a smokescreen.”

  “Grandma isn’t that devious.”

  What was I saying? Of course she was.

  Chapter 20

  Although I’d lived in and around Washbridge all my life, I’d never visited Wash Edge. That was about to change because I was on my way there to speak to the Peeps: Joe and Flo. I’d had no difficulty tracking them down because, unsurprisingly, they were the only Peeps in the area.

  The property they lived in had once been the local railway station, before that branch line had been closed more than fifty years ago. The building still retained many of its original features and was bursting with character. The gates to the property resembled a miniature level crossing, and the brass knocker on the door was shaped like signals. I gave it a rattle and moments later, the door opened, and a funny little man appeared.

  “Mr Peep?”

  “Yes, you must be Jill. Do call me Joe. Flo is in the waiting room.”

  “Waiting room?”

  “Just our little joke. It’s what used to be the station’s waiting room but is now our living room. Come on through.”

  I followed him into the living/waiting room where the décor was all railway themed.

  Flo, who was much taller than her husband, greeted me like a long-lost friend. “It’s good of you to visit us, Jill.”

  “This is a beautiful place you have here. It’s very unusual.”

  “We adore it. It probably won’t come as a surprise to learn that Joe and I are both rail enthusiasts. In fact, that’s how we met, on the North Yorkshire Moors Railway. Isn’t that right, Joe?”

  “Yes, darling.” He beamed. “That was the happiest day of my life. Can I get you a drink, Jill?”

  “Tea would be nice.”

  “Tea it is.”

  Flo gave me the guided tour of the living room, pointing out each piece of railway memorabilia, and telling me where she and Joe had purchased it. Mr Hosey would have been in his element there.

  Joe returned, carrying a tray on which there were three cups, and a teapot shaped like a steam engine.

  “Let’s take a seat over here.” Flo gestured to the railway carriage seats that lined one wall of the room. “Joe said that you wanted to talk to us about Tweaking Tea Rooms.”

  “That’s right. My husband and I were in the village pub the other night, and we got talking to the landlord. He mentioned that you’d been in there recently, and that you’d told him you were thinking of buying the tea room.”

  “That’s right. In fact, we went into the Middle to celebrate because we thought it was a done deal, but then it fell through at the last minute.”

  “You aren’t thinking of leaving this beautiful property, surely?”

  “Definitely not,” Joe said. “We’ll be here until they carry us out, won’t we, Flo?”

  “That’s right, but we both retired recently, and we’re finding retirement rather boring, so we decided to look for a small business to run. We thought a small cafe or coffee shop would be ideal.”

  “I’m curious how you happened to hear that Tweaking Tea Rooms was for sale? Where did you see it advertised?”

  “We didn’t. We placed our own advert in the commercial property section of The Bugle, saying that we were looking for a small cafe or coffee shop within approximately a twenty-mile radius. Not long after the ad appeared, we were approached by Ryan Drinkwater who told us about the tea room in Middle Tweaking. It was a little further out than we would have liked, but it sounded ideal, so we agreed to take a look. We immediately fell in love with the place and made an offer on the spot, which he accepted.”

  “Was Miss Drinkwater there when you viewed the tea room?”

  “No, it was just Ryan. We had no idea that anyone else had an interest in the business, but a few days later, he called us to say he wouldn’t be
able to proceed with the sale because his sister, who was a part owner, had refused to sanction the deal. We were both very disappointed, weren’t we, Joe?”

  “Devastated. We’re still on the lookout for somewhere suitable but we haven’t seen anywhere that comes close.”

  “I assume you’ve heard that Miss Drinkwater has been murdered?”

  “Yes, we saw it on the news. It’s a terrible thing.”

  “Have you heard from Ryan since his sister died?”

  “No, but then I’m sure the poor man has more important things on his mind at the moment.”

  “Would you still be interested in purchasing the business? After what happened, I mean?”

  “I think so, but we’ll just have to see what happens.”

  ***

  Was it possible that Ryan Drinkwater had been trying to sell the tea room without his sister’s knowledge? That made no sense. Surely, he would have realised that she would veto any sale. It was clear that I needed to speak to him, but that would have to wait for another day because if I didn’t get back to the office on time, Winky would have my guts for garters.

  I made it there with only a few minutes to spare.

  “Are you alright, Jill?” Mrs V said. “You look out of breath.”

  “I’ve been running.”

  “What’s so important that you had to run back?”

  “I don’t want to be late for the—err—” I caught myself just in time.

  “For what, dear? You don’t have any appointments as far as I’m aware.”

  “You’re right. I just thought the exercise would do me good.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. You have been looking a little out of shape recently.”

  Out of shape? Me? Cheek!

  Winky was tapping his watch and looking very annoyed. “One more minute and you’d have been late.”

  “I’m here now. That’s all that matters.”

  “Come on, then.” He started towards the door. “Let’s get going.”

  “Hold on. You have to go in your basket.”

  “I hate that thing. It smells.”

  “It only smells of you! If you want to go to the contest, you have to go in the basket.”

  “Alright, then, but you’ll have to carry these.” He handed me a bag containing the costumes.