Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39) Read online

  “How long ago was this?”

  “About six months, I’d say.”

  “Just before the cancellations started to come in?”

  “I guess so, but I still think Ruby is behind this.”

  When I’d finished questioning Leroy, I asked him to send one of the other two lookies in. It was the young woman who walked through the door next.

  “Hi there.” She was all red lips and big eyes.

  “Come in, Ruby.”

  “Ooh, you recognise me?” She sounded very pleased with herself.

  “Of course. Who wouldn’t recognise the famous Ruby Red?”

  “I hope Leroy wasn’t badmouthing me.”

  “What makes you think he would?”

  “Because he’s a horrible person.”

  “How badly have you been affected by the recent cancellations, Ruby?”

  “I’ve been quite fortunate really. I’ve only had one in the last month. I know some of the others have had many more than that.”

  “How long have you been doing this? Being a Ruby Red lookalike, I mean?”

  “Nearly five years now. And I’ve loved every minute of it.”

  “Can you tell me what a typical gig is like for you?”

  “It varies. Sometimes it’s a personal appearance—I just have to turn up at a bar or nightclub. I’ve done a few adverts too—magazines and TV. And once, I was booked to jump out of a cake for this rich guy’s birthday.”

  It occurred to me that the guy couldn’t have been all that rich if he’d had to settle for a lookie rather than the real thing, but I didn’t share that observation.

  “How’s the pay?”

  “I can’t complain. But then, between you and me, I am Rock’s biggest earner, so I get a higher percentage than the others. You won’t tell anyone, will you? Especially not Leroy.”

  “Of course not. Tell me, Ruby, do you have any idea who might be behind the spate of cancellations?”

  “I would have thought that was obvious.”

  “Not to me.”

  “It’s Leroy. Who else?”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “The man is green with envy. He can’t bear to think that I get more gigs than he does. He’d love to see me get thrown off the books. I’ve heard him talking to the other lookies, suggesting that I’m the one behind the cancellations. And I bet he’s said the same thing to Rock.”

  “Is there anyone else apart from Leroy who might have done it? Someone who might have a grudge against the agency?”

  “There’s Mandy, I suppose.”

  “Mandy Rhinestone?”

  “Yes. Did Leroy mention her to you?”

  “He did, but what makes you think it might be her?”

  “Mandy and I used to be good friends, or at least I thought we were until I discovered that she’d been stabbing me in the back all the time.”

  “What was she doing?”

  “The agency has an online review system where people can leave ratings for each lookie. For a long time, I’d had an average of 4.5, which was better than everyone else. Then, suddenly, within the space of a couple of weeks, I received a load of one-star reviews, which brought my average way down. I told Rock I thought something was off, so he got his IT guy to look into it. He discovered that all the one-star reviews had come from the same computer.”

  “Were the ratings from Mandy’s computer?”

  “They weren’t able to prove that, but I’m sure it was her. You should definitely talk to Mandy. It’s either Leroy or her.”

  The last of the three lookies was much older than the other two. In his late fifties, he was handsome with the physique of a man twenty years younger. He introduced himself as Wayne Crabtree.

  “I’m really sorry,” I said. “But I haven’t heard of Wayne Crabtree. Is he a movie star or a pop star?”

  “Neither.” He laughed. “Wayne Crabtree is my real name. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to give you that or my lookie name.”

  “Both really.”

  “My lookie name is Alex Wilder. Perhaps you’ve heard of him?”

  “I’m afraid not. Should I have?”

  “He’s a movie star. Or, at least, he was back in the nineties. His star has rather waned since then. The last few movies he appeared in all bombed at the box office.”

  “Has that affected your bookings?”

  “Unfortunately, yes. Luckily, I’m still quite popular with ladies of a certain age.”

  “Have the recent cancellations affected you, Wayne?”

  “Not particularly, but that’s probably because I get so few bookings anyway.”

  “Have you any thoughts as to who might be behind this?”

  “Not really.”

  “Do you think it could be any of the other lookies?”

  “No, I wouldn’t have thought so.”

  “Isn’t there any jealousy or backstabbing between them?”

  “Not that I’m aware of. Everyone here seems really nice.”

  “What about Leroy and Ruby?”

  “They’re darlings, both of them. You couldn’t wish to meet nicer people.”

  “Have you heard of someone called Mandy Rhinestone?”

  “Mandy? Yes, of course. She’s a lovely girl. She and I often used to go for lunch together.”

  “I understand she left under something of a cloud?”

  “That’s what I heard, but I don’t know the details because I try not to get involved with the gossip. I thought it was really sad when she left.”

  ***

  As soon as I walked through the door, Florence came rushing up to me. “I’m not Wendy’s friend anymore.”

  “Oh dear. Why’s that, darling?”

  “Wendy says I can’t whistle but I can.” She puckered her lips and blew. “See!”

  “Err, yes. Maybe Wendy didn’t realise that everybody’s whistle sounds a little bit different.”

  “I’m not going to be her friend ever again.”

  “Don’t say that, Florence. You and Wendy get on so well. You don’t want to fall out over something as silly as whistling.”

  “It’s not silly and I’m not her friend.” She stomped off into the kitchen.

  Jack came to join me in the hallway. “I assume Florence has told you about her altercation with Wendy,” he said.

  “She has. Poor Wendy.” I glanced into the kitchen to make sure Florence wasn’t listening. “She’s right, though. Florence can’t whistle for toffee.”

  “I wouldn’t tell her that, or she won’t be your friend either.”

  Over dinner, Jack asked about my day.

  “I spent most of the afternoon at the Double Take Agency.”

  “Is that the lookalikes place?”

  “Yeah. Rock, that’s the owner, arranged for me to meet three of his lookies. They’re supposed to be lookalikes of famous people, but I didn’t recognise any of them. The first one I spoke to was a young guy who was a lookalike for Leroy Dulce. Whoever he is.”

  “Leroy Dulce? You must know him, Jill. He’s really good.”

  “You’ve heard of him?”

  “Of course. I’ve got his latest album on Spotify. You must have heard his latest single, Go Love Go.”

  “I can’t say that I have. Then there was a young woman who was supposed to look like a movie star called Ruby Red.”

  “Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of her either. She’s been in a couple of blockbusters in the last few years, and she’s always in the newspapers.”

  “You’re just pretending to know them to make me feel bad.”

  “No, I’m not. Why don’t you call Kathy? I bet she’s heard of Leroy and Ruby.”

  “Kathy will just pretend she’s heard of them to annoy me. The other lookie was a much older guy. He was a lookalike for a movie star from the nineties called Alex Wilder. Have you heard of him too?”

  “I’m not sure. His name does ring a bell. Have you come up with any leads so far?”

  “Leroy
and Ruby both suspect each other of being behind the cancellations. The Alex Wilder lookie was too nice for his own good. He doesn’t believe his colleagues would do anything like that. The two young ones mentioned someone called Mandy Rhinestone who got dropped by the agency. I suppose you’ve heard of her too?”

  “No, I can’t say I have.”

  “Incidentally, Daze and Blaze came to see me at the office today. It seems that word has reached them about Grandma’s hotel, and Daze is not very happy about it. She asked me to warn Grandma that they’ll be keeping a close eye on the village, and on her hotel in particular.”

  “Do you think speaking to her will do any good?”

  “Of course not. When did Grandma ever listen to anyone? I did get one bit of good news today, though. My new accountant has agreed to sit in on the tax inspection on Friday.”

  “That’s good.”

  “The only problem is that Mr Bacus insists on going in early. He wants us to set off from here at six o’clock.”

  “Six in the morning?” Jack grinned. “You’ve never even seen six in the morning.”

  Chapter 5

  The next morning, while Florence and Jack were still eating their breakfast, I sneaked upstairs to our bedroom, and took the spell book out of the wardrobe. I wanted to see if I could identify a few spells that I could teach Florence over the coming weeks.

  “What are you up to?”

  “Jack! You scared me to death. Why are you creeping around like that?”

  “I came up to see what you were doing.”

  “I thought I’d take a look at the spell book while Florence was eating her breakfast.”

  “Are you looking for the ‘whistle’ spell?” He grinned.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, there’s no such thing as a—hang on—what’s that?” I’d been running my finger over the index to find suitable spells, and there it was. “I can’t believe it. There really is a ‘whistle’ spell.”

  “How come you didn’t know already? I thought you were supposed to be the most powerful witch in Candlefield.”

  “That doesn’t mean I know every spell in here. There are thousands of them.”

  “What does it do? Will it help Florence?”

  “I’m not sure. Let me take a look.” I flicked to the appropriate page and read the instructions. “Yeah, it looks like it might.”

  “You should cast it on her before she goes to school.”

  “Why are you suddenly so eager for me to cast spells on our daughter?”

  “I just think she’d be happier if she could whistle properly, and it might help to smooth things over with Wendy.”

  “You’re right. Go downstairs and distract her, and I’ll cast the spell while she isn’t looking.”

  “Why do you need to be secretive about it?”

  “She might not like it if she knows she can only whistle with the help of magic.”

  “Okay. How shall I distract her?”

  “I don’t know. You’ll just have to think of something. And be quick about it because I’ll be down as soon as I’ve memorised this.”

  “Will do.” He disappeared downstairs.

  The spell was very straightforward and only took a couple of minutes to memorise. After I’d put the spell book back in its hiding place, I went downstairs. Jack and Florence were in the lounge reading a book together. I walked up behind the sofa and cast the spell.

  The question now was had it worked?

  “What are you two reading?”

  “Elly and Smelly.” Florence held up her favourite book, which was about an elephant and a skunk who were best friends. It was a book which I had read so many times that I’d come to hate it with a passion. I’d made a promise to myself that if I ever came across the author, I would turn her into a skunk.

  “I haven’t heard you whistle yet today, Florence,” I said.

  She puckered her lips and whistled so loudly it made Buddy jump.

  “I’m getting better at it, Mummy, aren’t I?”

  “You certainly are, darling. That was very good. Why don’t you try it again, a little quieter this time? You don’t want to scare people.”

  “Okay.” She did it again, and this time the whistle was just about as perfect as a whistle could be.

  A few minutes later, Florence was out in the garden, whistling and playing with a disgruntled Buddy. Jack was busy stacking the dishwasher when someone knocked at the door.

  It was Donna.

  “Morning, Jill.”

  “Hi. Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I just wondered if I could have a quick word?”

  “Sure, come in.”

  “Would you mind if we spoke out here?”

  “O—kay.” I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. “Are you sure everything is alright?”

  “Yeah, it’s just that—err—I don’t know if Florence said anything, but she and Wendy had a bit of a falling out yesterday, I think.”

  “She did mention something about it. Something to do with whistling.”

  “Wendy’s upset because she thinks she was horrible to Florence.”

  “Tell her not to worry about it. Florence is fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Will you tell Florence that Wendy is sorry and that she still wants to be her friend.”

  “I don’t think that’s necessary, honestly. They’ll be best buddies again today, you’ll see.”

  “Okay. Thanks for putting my mind at ease. I know I’m just being silly, but Wendy doesn’t find it easy to make friends.”

  “It’ll be fine, I promise.”

  “Okay. I’d better get back, so I can get Wendy ready for school.”

  I went out into the garden and called Florence.

  “Your whistling is much better now. I bet you can’t wait to show Wendy. She’ll think you’re the best whistler in the whole world.”

  “But she isn’t my friend anymore.”

  “Of course she is. You want her to know what a good whistler you are, don’t you?”

  “I suppose.”

  “There you are, then. You’ll be whistling best buddies.”

  She seemed quite taken by that idea.

  Back in the house, Jack had a stupid grin all over his face.

  “What?” I said.

  “If you ever decide to give up being a private investigator, you’d make a brilliant child psychologist.”

  I got changed for work, and then gave Jack and Florence a kiss.

  “I’m going to have a quick word with Grandma before I go to the office, Jack.”

  “Good luck with that.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to need it.”

  I left the car outside the house and walked across the village to the hotel. En route, I passed a couple of werewolves who looked as though they were headed towards Tweaking Tea Rooms. Little did they know what they were letting themselves in for—Miss Drinkwater would scare them to death.

  “Good morning.” The receptionist was a witch. “Do you have a room reserved?”

  “I’m not a guest. I’m here to see my grandmother.”

  “Is she staying with us?”

  “No, she owns this hotel.”

  “Mrs Millbright?”

  “That’s right. Tell her Jill would like to speak to her, would you, please?”

  “Right away.” She picked up the phone, conveyed my message, then said, “Mrs Millbright says she’ll be with you shortly. Would you take a seat over there, please?”

  From where I was seated, I had a good view into the restaurant, which was doing a brisk breakfast trade. The guests mainly comprised of vampires, werewolves, wizards and witches. I was a little surprised to see there were also a few elves and fairies.

  Ten minutes later and there was still no sign of Grandma. I was getting more and more annoyed because I was convinced she was deliberately keeping me waiting. I was just on the point of going back to the reception desk when she finally made
an appearance.

  “To what do I owe this pleasure?” she said.

  “Can I have a word in private, please?”

  “You’d better come through to my office.”

  There was a jar of green bunion ointment on the desk, and judging by the awful smell, she must have just finished applying it.

  “What can I do for you, Jill?”

  “Daze and Blaze paid me a visit at my office yesterday.”

  “That must have been nice for you.”

  “They’ve heard about your hotel.”

  “Good, it’s nice to know my marketing campaign is working.”

  “Daze isn’t very happy about it.”

  “Oh dear. How awful. Let me think how I feel about that. Err—after careful consideration: I. Don’t. Care.”

  “Daze shares my concern about the impact this hotel will have on the village. She asked me to warn you that the rogue retrievers will be keeping an eye on Middle Tweaking. If there are any problems, they won’t hesitate in rounding up your guests and sending them back to Candlefield.”

  “I’ve already told you that all the guests will be given information packs with instructions on how to behave in the human world. There won’t be any problems.”

  “I hope you’re right. I’ve done my bit now. I promised Daze that I’d speak to you and I have.”

  “Is that it? Are we done?”

  “Yes, we’re done.” I started for the door.

  “Tell that human of yours he missed his chance.”

  “I assume you’re referring to Jack. Missed his chance at what?”

  “To be my bellboy. I couldn’t wait any longer, so I had to set on someone else.”

  “A sup, I suppose?”

  “Actually, no. A human. Would you like to meet him?”

  “Not really. I have to get to work.”

  “Come on. It’ll only take a minute.” She led the way back to reception and pressed the bell on the desk.

  “I’m really not all that interested, Grandma.”

  “Here he is now.”